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jαck spαrrow (@capnj4ck) profile picture

jαck spαrrow

@capnj4ck

Hello Bestie!

Joined February 2011
  • Tweets95
  • Following6.3K
  • Followers5.6K
jαck spαrrow retweeted
Darla (@ddsmidt) profile picture
Darla
@ddsmidt25 Nov 2017
Sure you call it a college fund for your kid, yet deep in your heart you know it’s bond money.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit) profile picture
Bob Phillips
@BobTheSuit20 Nov 2017
The gravy boat is my favorite nautical-themed piece of serveware.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
SlappNuttz (@SlappNuttz) profile picture
SlappNuttz
@SlappNuttz28 Sep 2017
Her- What are you doing, pervert?! Me- I’m trying to read your shirt! Her- It’s bedazzled!! Me- Oh sorry, I thought it was in Braille.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Amie with an ie (@HeyAmie) profile picture
Amie with an ie@HeyAmie21 Oct 2017
Just watched a lady put 17 sugars in a 8oz cup coffee. I can't wait to see what she does next.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) profile picture
JC Tarp@jctwritesstuff26 Oct 2017
Me: So tired, please go to sleep. Brain: K Me: Brain: Me: Brain: Me: *drooling a little* Brain: THE WHOLE SONG IS HER HOLLERING BACK THO
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
C’est La Vie (@Robert_Beau) profile picture
C’est La Vie@Robert_Beau9 May 2014
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
jaybee (@jaybeez112) profile picture
jaybee@jaybeez11224 Sep 2017
Are you fucking insane? ~the first words out of my mouth when someone calls me on Sunday morning
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
UlteriorEgo (@13Tink5) profile picture
UlteriorEgo@13Tink528 Sep 2017
Alexa; make it look like an accident
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Julie 🤬🎼 (@inScytheful) profile picture
Julie 🤬🎼@inScytheful28 Aug 2012
My sarcasm and my sincerity sound exactly alike. Believe me.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) profile picture
Kalvin@KalvinMacleod18 Apr 2017
ME: scalpel NURSE: scalpel M: sclissors N: scissors M: neeble N: are u sure u should operate on ur own brain M: *nods head diagonally* toast
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Adam Goodell (@adamgoodell) profile picture
Adam Goodell@adamgoodell21 Oct 2017
The mayor from Jaws is still the mayor in Jaws 2. It is so important to vote in your local elections.
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
120yearz (@120yearz) profile picture
120yearz@120yearz22 Oct 2017
you say alienate like it's a bad thing
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jαck spαrrow retweeted
Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt) profile picture
Dead Pan Nick
@Contwixt12 May 2016
I'm like a cheetah, but slow.
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I can't wait to get old so that I can buy a cane with a sword hidden inside of it
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