I used to be cool. Now I’m just a fat mom.
California, USA
Joined December 2011
- Tweets274
- Following68
- Followers5
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Chimpancrazy retweeted
I do not give a flying FUCK about Fonts... Weirdo shit.
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Hey @AmericanAir maybe you should consider sending your displaced Chicago passengers to the Hilton ACROSS THE STREET from O’Hare instead of making them wait hours for a shuttle to take them way across town.
Chimpancrazy retweeted
#haiku
Senator Josh Hawley
“Constitutional scholar”
Used “irregardless”
I predict videos of crowds cheering on USPS workers are going to be 2020’s version of videos of dogs welcoming home their soldier owners.
Chimpancrazy retweeted
Just to be clear, if Zachary Taylor had spent all of 1850 loudly yelling "I can eat as much cherries and milk as I want and I will NEVER get life-threatening diarrhea", that would have been funny too.
Chimpancrazy retweeted
Truly there's no problem that can't be overcome when you get a bunch of celebrities together to sing something. youtu.be/AYGCpqAvoCs
We needed some new coloring pages and luckily the downloadable coloring book by @Brandon_Bird was well received 😂
Chimpancrazy retweeted
In November 1970, officials in Oregon, USA decided to blow up a rotting whale carcass. The whole thing went horribly wrong.
Why do we bring this up? Well, this story can teach us 3 things about #coronavirus ⬇️
Chimpancrazy retweeted
It is important to keep yo' mommas safe. Do not cough on yo' mommas. Do not shove yo' hand in yo' momma's mouthhole. Have yo' momma wash her nasty-ass hands. Don't bring yo' momma to crowded places. I talk shit about yo' mommas but real talk I love yo' mommas. Stay healthy mommas
Chimpancrazy retweeted
The fakest thing about Spider-Man is that he is paid on the spot for his photographs.
Chimpancrazy retweeted
On this holy day, a reminder that I once identified all of the food in Alice's fridge from Friday the 13th Part 2. dinosaurdracula.com/blog/fri…
