@TheHatStore

wheelie popper

 United States
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Joined July 2013
  • Tweets23.3K
  • Following442
  • Followers2.5K
2.4KMedia
Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanOct 19
Child psychologist: Do you have any questions? Me: How did you get a degree when you're only six?
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This is why I stay at Hampton Inn. They get me.
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore5 Sep 2023
me: I think I left my phone charger on the plane flight attendant: are you getting into the life boat or not
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*relaxing in the tub* Babe, will you toss me the toaster?
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Anthony McHats retweeted
olive@offbeatoliv14 Nov 2018
me: what’s wrong with me therapist: [looking thru notes] you’re the worst
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStoreAug 20
a miniature toaster for cooking two lil smokies at a time
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore19 Apr 2024
[uses a chopstick as a little bat when the hibachi chef tosses a shrimp my way]
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStoreOct 7
[after an argument with my wife] her: [seductively] let's make up me: um pixar did that in 2009
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanJun 8
[on my death bed] "Why didn't I just buy a normal bed?"
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanApr 4
Years ago my wife and I were on an early date in a Chinese restaurant when another diner came over and said to me: "Can you shut up? You've got a very loud voice". I said: "My girlfriend has very poor hearing. Isn't that right?" And to her enormous credit she replied: "WHAT?"
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Anthony McHats retweeted
sojujinbutsu@EdgarPoop1Sep 22
I'm pregnant with laughter and the father is me
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Anthony McHats retweeted
your other mom
@difficultpattyOct 2
Humans beings weren't meant to endure this much two factor authentication.
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Stefan Urquelle@OfficeofSteveSep 25
Bring back saloon doors so people can make chaotic entrances
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I stole my therapist's notebook and every page is just those cool S shapes from the 90s
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterSep 23
If you were mine, I'd wake you up every morning with the smell of freshly exploded hot dogs in the microwave
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Got banned for life from my gym for refusing to stop calling my leg muscles my thighceps
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Another failed job interview. The ole ice cream truck driving by got me this time.
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ME: honey, it's really muggy out today WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Mat@MatCro26 Jul 2015
GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.
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Anthony McHats retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterAug 29
There was only one other person in the waiting room and I didn't want to make my chair choice weird so I panicked and sat on her lap
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