@sofarrsogud

🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts.

 Ireland
xitter.cf/search?q=From%3A%40sofarrsogud%2Fexclude%3Areplies&s=09
Joined February 2013
  • Tweets166K
  • Following5.8K
  • Followers21.6K
7.7KMedia
Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.
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I saw a 'Book Of Opposites' at the store today and couldn't help but wonder why they didn't call it a Contradictionary.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
John H. Beers III 🐀@Bedlam_BeersieOct 17
“If you work out regularly, it’s important to have a rest day for your body to recover,” I say on my 1,000th consecutive rest day.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
KSHE95@wednesday0525Oct 17
Baby's first *Right Next to Stupid, while napping in my stroller* T-Shirt.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸@cowboyjeffkent24 Nov 2023
Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Jö$h@JoshKing2Oct 17
I leave an animal cracker at all my crime scenes.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohlerOct 17
At first Benjamin Franklin was afraid to tell people he discovered electricity because he was a middle aged man out flying kites.
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Comedians in flying cars shitting themselves
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Benny Boy@Camel_CrushinOct 16
I find myself driving with my hands at 10 and 2 a lot lately. Might as well fill my center console with butterscotch candy at this point.
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Terminator 2 is a great movie but I think it would've been even better if when Arnold shot the terminator in the face he then said 'Grow a head, make my day' James Cameron: SECURITY!!
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
KSHE95@wednesday0525Oct 14
- Beverly owns this hill - Sahara owns this desert - Myrtle owns this beach - Debbie did this, wait, what? All of it?
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Mike Mentalpause@mentalpause1Oct 15
I just blocked a judge from posting on my feed. That's right your honor, you are being restrained
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohlerOct 15
They should open a store that's just a giant warehouse full of toys and games and kids can go and look and play with everything. Call it We-Я-Toys or something.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Blather Wince Repeat@xerxesbigboy7 May 2021
Remember accidentally calling a teacher ‘mom’ and then accidentally appearing at her house for supper, and before being ordered to leave, accidentally riffling through her purse for beer money?
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Larry’s Twin 99@LarrysTwin99Oct 15
Babe gets super frisky whenever she wins at Bingo!
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
barrel rolls@barrel_rollsOct 15
whoever named it “dirt” really knocked it out of the park with that one. like yup that’s dirt
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OL BOO COCKY™@ol_boo_cockyOct 15
When I was a kid, we didn’t buy shorts. Our moms put iron on patches on the knees of our toughskin jeans until there was nothing left to iron on to and then we had jorts
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Use the egg method to see if I've gone bad. Put me into a pool of water and if I sink, I'm still good (and also not a witch).
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Sunshine Jarboly@SunshineJarbolyOct 12
i drift into a 1,000 yard stare as i watch a toddler completely f-up all the tv settings using my own remote.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
The B.
@anerdonfire2Oct 12
I left but I took all the juice boxes with me.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted
Uncle Bob 🍩@UncleBob56Oct 12
50°F is colder in the Fall than in the Spring. It's science.
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