How many PhDs does this describe?

Academically ratioed: One hundred thousand views of your article and only one bloody citation.

This is what they escort Reviewer 2 in when he comes to campus.

I don't write about anybody else When I think about you I cite myself Oh, I don't write about anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no

I see your data and raise you an anecdote.

Lead author getting coached on what the paper was about before the conference keynote.

What about all those unpopped kernels that are left? You know. The ones no one wants and you just throw out because they're hard, burned and useless? The truth is that some popcorn never pops and nothing you do will change that.

Interdisciplinary research is what led to pineapple on pizza. Draw your own conclusions.

Never ask for permission to buzz the Ivory Tower.