@AstroStomp

I make stupid jokes. If you take me seriously you're doing it wrong

 Denver, CO
Joined May 2008
  • Tweets7.9K
  • Following632
  • Followers840
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edward wolden retweeted
edward wolden@AstroStompAug 13
The National Association of Gays Who Can’t Hear So Well, were impressed by Dr Fauci’s ability to take a fist so many times
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James Draper@drapertweetsAug 7
tomorrow night at Node Arts Collective 7pm.
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Brandy Bryant
@InkMasterbatorJul 5
Could Hollywood give the Joker a fuckin' break and use literally any of his other untapped rogues, please? I have more Joker fatigue at this point than Bruce Wayne getting a 3am text that Joker has escaped Arkham for the 67th time this month.
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edward wolden retweeted
edward wolden@AstroStomp4 Aug 2025
Is the USA a Kendrick Lamar song? Because this is a diss-topian nightmare
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daniel.@danielwoldenFeb 23
Haha! Who needs improv classes? It’s over for y’all real soon.
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Carter Wilkerson@carterjwm6 Apr 2017
HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS
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z@zachreinert0Feb 15
A group of crows flying into a window is called a murder suicide
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daniel.@danielwoldenFeb 12
He’s not 99% Hitler, he just goes on podcasts with Nazis.
Darrel Issa Unemployment Project@Alejandro27AleFeb 11
"Newsom is 99% Hitler!" Motherfucker I live in California and under "99% Hitler" my gay friends have basic rights, my girlfriend can access reproductive care, and we've raised the minimum wage for service workers. Spare me the disingenuous bullshit.
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daniel.@danielwoldenFeb 12
Being against genocide and not scapegoating trans people aren’t the huge asks you pretend them to be.
@resistancesean.bsky.social
@ResistanceSeanFeb 10
Let’s be real, NO Democratic nominee will appease the leftists who didn’t vote for Kamala.
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trash jones@jzuxFeb 5
praying to god is low key embarrassing. girl if He wanted to He would
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Brandy Bryant
@InkMasterbatorFeb 2
In 2009 Stephen Hawking threw a party for time travelers and only announced the party after it happened. Because no one showed up everyone just assumed time travel isn't possible, but turns out it was because time travelers didn't want to party with a pedophile.
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On Epstein files: 1. Why is the press referring to girls as women? 2. Why is the press inventing a term, 'underage women', there is no such thing. 3. There is no such thing as 'sex with a child', it is called child rape or child sexual abuse. Stop minimising the criminality.
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tanya@Tanya_SabrinaaaJan 30
FYI April 6 is the filing deadline to primary Hakeem Jeffries ballotpedia.org/New_York%27s…

New York's 8th Congressional District election, 2026 - Ballotpedia

ballotpedia.org
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Mike Drucker@MikeDruckerJan 27
RIP Greg Bovino. Cried into his pink slip, threw it on the floor, tried to kick it, tripped, fell on a stove, backed into a shelf, knocked a bucket onto his head, reached for a wall, grabbed a rabid dog, and then fell out a window into the world’s largest outdoor red ant farm.
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tanya@Tanya_SabrinaaaJan 25
the peaceful way out of this isn't to vote for status quo democrats. it's to vote for the most progressive, leftist, kooky candidates there are in every single district. you need to primary Schumer, and Jeffries, and every single one of them with real left candidates
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z@zachreinert0Jan 25
I can talk to my dead brother Mario by using a Louija board
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z@zachreinert0Jan 22
Christmas music is a lot like an airplane. It shouldn’t be in your office in September
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mariana Z
@mariana057Jan 15
I love the phrase "bear with me" because it can either mean "be patient" or "the zoo heist was a success"
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edward wolden retweeted
mike
@painbuilttJan 15
you should torture your brother with jumper cables
Fesshole🧻
@fessholeJan 14
My brother made an AI book of him and his girlfriend's engagement story with them as cute animals for Christmas. I'm a children's book illustrator and he didn't ask me. Made me very sad.
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