Never met a slim guy named Jim

I thought the new Pope was kinda cool, but then I found out he’s Catholic

“I really thought people would buy a candy called Skeetles” - Lil Jon’s former business manager

Kate Zacharia lasted 5 days as the White House Press secretary, but in a cabinet full of guys who can’t last 5 minutes, that’s almost impressive

I don’t think the French are all that impressive, I also hate the government and don’t shower much

I hate Zionist Halloween because what do you mean you’re Barney Rubble That Used to be a Hospital

Apparently it’s gay to actually like women

The fact that the GOP is behind the Albertan separatists shows that racist old white guys haven’t updated their playbook since the Civil War.

Part of the deal the Albertan separatists made with the Republicans is that Americans have to pretend to like the Oilers

If there’s 7 rapists in a group chat with 50 guys who kept silent, then there’s 57 rapists in a group chat

Trans men are also being targeted by ICE because they were told to go after anyone who was born abroad.

Muslim chef be like, “Let me Halal at you”

Anti-vax Fred Flintstone be like Jabba Jabba Don’t

Please stop calling me an open mic comedian. I am quite closed off, thank you.

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re the bottle of wine on the table in the Katie Dippold Babadook meme?

I hate gay leftist Halloween because what do you mean you’re Dolly Pardon Luigi Mangione

Ed Sheeran broke down in tears at his concert the other night, which is actually the usual response to realizing you’re at an Ed Sheeran concert.

The dumbest part is he could’ve said he was dropping Macklemore because he listened to his music and no one would’ve questioned it.

Kash Patel says the FBI is looking for dudes who got that dog in them (literally)