@creativeTypeDad

Father of two, Hungry and Bored. #parenting #father #husband #family #humor

 Los Angeles
Joined March 2014
  • Tweets4.8K
  • Following12.2K
  • Followers20K
2.2KMedia
109
575
54
7,802
293,216
😂
7
49
1
1,196
23,422
Replying to @creativeTypeDad
Me, getting dressed in front of the mirror: Ugh, this shirt makes me look so fat. 10YO: It’s okay, Dad. You’re already married.
1
1
140
9y.o: “I’m STARVING! What’s for dinner??” Me: “Meatloaf and-“ 9: “-I’m not hungry.”
3
3
80
Quarantine snacks is just a cute way of saying I ate a bag of Doritos between breakfast and lunch.
6
63
7
593
"what do you call a asntronat that farts a fartonaut
11
131
9
817
|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| | HELP RESTAURANTS. | | ORDER TAKEOUT. | |＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿| (\__/) || (•ㅅ•) || / 　 づ #OpenForTakeout
1
10
20
what did the wall say to the other wall ? WHAT
7
124
5
810
After explaining how phones were attached to cords and walls when I was a kid... 6yo: I'm sorry your parents were so mean to you.
31
102
3
572
3yo: I push the picture and nothing happens!! Me: That's because it's a book.
25
158
10
961
Me: *on the toilet* 2yo: *banging on door* Daddy!! Daddy!!! DADDY!!!! Me: I’m downstairs! 2yo: Oh... *runs off* Me: Why have I not tried that before?
75
440
55
3,415
I can't wait for the Toy Story where all the toys are just a couple of iPads talking to each other.
9
167
5
520
Toddler: Dad. Me: What’s up buddy? Toddler: DON’T LOOK AT ME.
19
151
5
818
From the other room 6yo to 3yo “You aren’t suppose to do this but here is how you start a fire.”
2
14
125
My sister bought glitter for the children, so now I'm trying to add her name to a terrorist watchlist.
34
194
5
849
[Dad’s Old Watch] 7 year old: “This watch is so dumb, it literally doesn’t do anything but tell the time”
2
13
2
63
A truck carrying Axe body spray exploded all over a highway in Texas and a Junior High Dance spontaneously popped up.
6
160
4
1,243
Someday after I die, my kids will look at my tweets and say. "Man, dad sure spent a lot of time on Twitter."
5
122
2
471
"Thanks for the baby, Superman!"
122
7,068
274
34,838
Kids can be so sweet. For example, today one told me, "You've got arm hair like a really cool gorilla."
4
42
51
183
Load more