@comedywire

Join us at https://xitter.cf/t.co/Tso0JJEzbT.

 New York, NY
comedywire.com
Joined March 2015
  • Tweets3.8K
  • Following3.7K
  • Followers10.9K
1.5KMedia
Me: I’m so happy that gyms have reopened. I’ll do whatever it takes to get in back in shape Trainer: That’s great! Let’s start with... Me: Snacks?
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can’t wait to be fully vaccinated so i can continue staying in my house far away from people and people things
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history: itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself.
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Sooz@CruisinSoozan23 Mar 2021
I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM BECAUSE WE’RE EXHAUSTED Who wants ice cream?
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connor Wood@fibulaa23 Mar 2021
There’s just not enough time in the day *screen time 11 hours 23 mins*
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Stephen@onyeka_sk18 Mar 2021
I want whatever the people who run at 6am have
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If Air Bud was real the military would have kidnapped him to use as a weapon immediately
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Stephen@onyeka_sk15 Mar 2021
I’m not ugly but if you see me on my moms fb then idk what to tell you 😭😭😭
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Stacey
@skittle62415 Mar 2021
You’re in your late 40’s? Early 50’s?You know that pain in your back you woke up with? It’s not going away. Ever.
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Sooz@CruisinSoozan12 Mar 2021
I am going to eat this weekend like it’s a cure for depression.
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Country grammar is basically just remembering the apostrophe in y’all.
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New York City is bracing for another 10 inches of snow, or about 1/4 of the number of people currently running for Mayor.
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Whenever you're invited to game night, the host locks up the kitchen knives. #Thanks @comedywire!
Comedywire@comedywire6 Jan 2021
$25 Comedywire Contest - Signs You're A Sore Loser comedywire.com/community/fee…
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Thanks, @comedywire!
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I won a @comedywire joke contest this baby is going to my Engineering resume – at Manhattan, NY
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I’m pleased to announce that I won a @comedywire joke contest. Thanks so much to @Pappiness and @PaulSchissler for running such a great site, and now I have an excuse in case there’s a military draft. :)
Comedywire@comedywire6 Jan 2020
$25 Comedywire Contest - Reasons You Probably Shouldn't be Drafted comedywire.com/community/fee…
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I won $25 from @comedywire !!! Thanks guys for such a fun site!
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Thanks for the $25, @comedywire! Breaking Bad Furniture: A reality series in which fed-up IKEA customers smash their half-finished Ektorps to bits.
Comedywire@comedywire9 Dec 2019
$25 Comedywire Contest - Add a Word to a TV Show. What's the New Premise? comedywire.com/community/fee…
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They're made in my image, so they're handsome, loving, and extremely judgmental. Thanks for the $25, @comedywire!
Comedywire@comedywire19 Nov 2019
$25 Comedywire Contest - You're God. Describe Human Beings in One Sentence: comedywire.com/community/fee…
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Just pocketed $25 for writing a line on @comedywire, cheers guys! 😊
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