My local bookshop @skylightbooks is so cool! Order my book #StoriestoKeepYouAliveDespiteVampires from them and request personalization in the "notes" area of the order. Say who you want it made out to and I'll sign it to them! Skylight will ship to you! skylightbooks.com/book/97816…

A civil war and a world war at the same time is gonna really be something

Like a little Rory Calhoun

Trying not to be alarmist while alarms are going off everywhere non-stop is fucking hard

You know. In case of supertigers

Sure we'll have fewer rights than our grandparents but we'll make up for it by having more polio than they did!

I keep thinking there should be some mechanism that prevents exactly this from happening but the election was that mechanism.

How do you make god laugh? Think of a plan Just kidding, there's no god

I cannot help but imagine the horrors to come. The only solace is how wrong I was about how I thought everything would go

That election fucking sucked. At least there won't be any more

Was rooting for a rebuke, now I'd settle for a squeak

The ultimate pickup line is "Do you like rizz?"

Just gonna keep clicking refresh on America

Come on SNL, listen to the masses and cast Guy Montgomery as Steve Kornacki

In fairness how would a kryptonian military man trapped in a prison dimension for like 30 years have heard of Earth’s America’s freedom of the press?

Natural causes have their chance to do the funniest thing ever today