bmac

“Get me to God’s country,” I say as I knock over the bottle of Hunt’s ketchup at our last meal of vacation before returning to Pittsburgh.

“That was not on my bingo card!” 😜🤪 I cannot stress to you how much I hate this phrase and how much that is not how bingo works.

I don’t think the kids know who Marilyn Manson is, so I just told a group of high school kids that Mr. Beast removed one of his ribs so he could suck his own dong. Hopefully that spreads like wildfire.

I think @CoreyOConnorPA and the @nfl should team up to hand out Bluetooth ear pieces downtown so ppl coming to the draft can’t tell that all the crackheads are talking to themselves.

I must express my hatred for @gain’s radio commercial where a guy can’t identify who smells good on a bus. A. How would he know a stranger is a “retired mailman”? B. Someone is his “soulmate” based on their smell. Jesus Christ, “smell mate” was right there. C. The bus stinks.

BREAKING: Corey O’Connor set to become Pittsburgh’s first openly dweeb mayor.

The worst part about Elon being involved with Trump’s cabinet is that you know when him and Vivek came up with that dumbass DOGE acronym, those dorks high fived and jumped around the room probably tapping their tiny wieners together.

What an absolute weenie.

I, too, read somewhere recently that he is a weenie.

They just flipped my Tatum boards from voided to green, check your slip.

The most telling sign that the two sides are very different is that the Dems lost, and instead of an insurrection, the worst thing they’ll do is have the SNL cold open be Maya Rudolph singing a shitty version of We Are the World.

I am strongly considering going to the upcoming Imagine Dragons show in Pittsburgh solely because I desperately want to know who the fuck listens to Imagine Dragons.

@fsmikey @fsmikey this guy doesn’t even live in Washington state. He moved to Washington county a decade ago and has been high the whole time.

Women’s basketball AND a solar eclipse in the SAME week?! Helluva time to be something that I have no interest in and is difficult to look at.

@EGOPowerPlus makes products that actually work.

@RYOBItoolsusa only tests winter products on wet sawdust in South Carolina. No wonder their entire winter line of tools doesn’t work.

Guys, bad news is, I mixed up my holidays. Good news is though, he didn’t see his shadow when I pulled Abraham Lincoln out of his hole today. Spring shall be sprung.

The people who get mad that little kids of color are inspired by characters looking like them when they normally don’t are the same people who buy an authentic NFL jersey of the most average white wide receivers ever.

Guuuurrrlll… are you Patrick Mahomes’ ankle sprain? Because you are fake as fuck and only exist for the attention and drama.

My 4 year old son’s best friend who is also 4 years old invited me over to his house because “we have beers.” He is now also my best friend.