👨🏻💻 iOS Tech Lead. Dog dad. Black belt in TV binging. Opinions & Tweets are my own.
Glasgow, Scotland
Joined March 2009
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I swear a considerable part of my job is trying to explain why this is a bad idea to non technical people
Stephen retweeted
Bring me back to the years of Objective-C
claude.ai/share/6c20d5db-add…
Stephen retweeted
“Let me get this straight, you’re lending billions with cheese as collateral?”
“Not cheese. Parmesan. Parmigiano-Reggiano to be precise.“
“So, you finance this by packaging the Parmesan loans into Parmesan CDO A, which has part of Parmesan CDO B and both get put into Parmesan CDO C?”
“Yeah. The original loans are backed by wheels of Parmesan. Minimum age of 12 months. Some are 24 months. 36 months. 48 month. Hell, up to 120 months. Delicious. Millions of wheels. But Parmesan CDO C is a synthetic Parmesan CDO. A CDO of Parmesan CDOs. Parmesan Squared if you will.”
“What if it gets too hot in the summer and the wheels of Parmesan melt?”
“We’ll sell Parmesan credit default swaps.”
“C’mon! How much bigger is the market for Parmesan-backed sythentic loan and CDS products than actual edible real-life Parmesan that I can grate on top of my homemade spaghetti bolognese tonight?”
“At least 10,000x.”
“Ok, let’s say we have an underlying pool of $10 million in Parmesan wheels. How much money could be out there betting on your synthetic Parmesan financial products?”
“Probably $100 billion.”
“That is fucking crazy.”
“No, it’s awesome.”
The biggest cheese banks in Italy store 300,000+ wheels of Parmesan.
Dairy farmers use cheese as collateral and get loans up to 80% of market value. At ~$1,000 per wheel, that’s $200m+ in loans (banks seize and sell cheese if farmer can’t pay back).
Best part: banks use automated machines that brush and turn the cheese wheels everyday to keep them fresh.
***
Vid link: youtu.be/QqqVnxw1GZk?si=tefH…
Stephen retweeted
In the early days of iOS adding labels or subviews to a UITableViewCell would actually cause dropped frames
For glassy scrolling you’d need to draw text and details directly into the cell with Core Graphics instead
Now y’all got view hierarchies deeper than the Mariana Trench
Stephen retweeted
🚨 Rangers fans can be quite difficult to place on a political spectrum.
But only because they’re often wearing a poppy, doing a Hitler salute and waving an Israeli flag, all at the same time.
Stephen retweeted
Scotland qualified for the World Cup for the first time in 30 years and not one of the 50,000 fans stormed the pitch btw
Stephen retweeted
First time in the history of Scottish football that a game has been concluded early at Celtic Park. We’ve gone from “injury time until Celtic score” to “injury time until Celtic invade the pitch”. SPFL playing a blinder again. 😂
