Joined April 2010
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- Following1.3K
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The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Learning how to put in contact lenses is like performing Hostel as a one-man show.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Ugh... yeah, sorry, I'm just... blarg... so [yawn]..... tired... I'm just urghgh... I'm just hhhhhhngngng... I'm just tired from coming into work on time today.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Girlfriend got fired from the paradimensional demon containment facility for gently placing the lids on the enchanted urns without screwing them on.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Talking to my younger self through a mirror except it's his car's rearview mirror and he's going 80 on the highway and I'm screaming "PANIC!" at him.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Ed Sheeran auditioning for the liberal heel in every @_rathbone video.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Guess who made it into the sexy hunks calendar at my work? Say hello to Mr. July. They even gave me a nickname: Palate Cleanser
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Mine are the "cartoon box propped up by a stick with a string tied to it" of thirst traps.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Thinking of telling people that my autistic special interest is crushing pussy. Any notes?
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
I don't mind religious bumper stickers but the "baby on board" one befuddles me.
I mean, wasn't Jesus crucified at 33?
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
*leaning in to the mushroom-enhanced coffee vendor at the health expo*
"Did you put your dick in the coffee?"
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
me: Apenas... puse... puse... apenas puse... apenas....
friend: Please don't practice your Spanish right now.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Something about this acupuncturist makes me nervous. I've been in the waiting room for an hour sitting on pins and needles.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
I miss Gene Kelly so much that I still visit the cemetery once a year to tap dance on his grave.
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
20 years ago, I worried that the next generation would use Google all the time for easy things as a replacement for using their brains.
Well, the joke's on me because nobody googles shit anymore.
Dipshits just flooding Reddit with "i wanna get a dog what kind of dogs are there"
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
You can hate the Right. (I don't, but you can.) But don't pretend they were wrong about everything.
Life is not so simple as thinking you can just pick a side and delegate your critical thinking to "the experts."
It's up vs down, not Left vs Right.
Signed,
The Populist Left
HOLY HELL Jimmy ur crazy, the vaccine stops transmission of Covid
& is Safe & Effective!, Trust the Government!”
“ Jimmy ur crazy, Covid didn’t come from a Lab, that’s racist! Trust Fauci!”
“Jimmy ur crazy, Seth Rich’s death was a BOTCHED ROBBERY! Trust the FBI!”
“Jimmy ur crazy, Russiagate is REAL! Trump works for PUTIN, trust the FBI!”
“Jimmy ur crazy, Ivermectin isn’t for humans! Trust Big Pharma & CNN!”
“Jimmy ur crazy, Biden isn’t demented, he has a stutter! Trust Rachel Maddow!”
“Jimmy ur crazy Assad gassed his own people, TRUST THE CIA!””
The Problematic 5000 retweeted
Bruce Lee practicing the nut tap 10,000 times before he heads out to drink with the fellas.
