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Em

@Emburger9

DM me your soup recipes

 Los Angeles, CA
Joined September 2010
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  • Followers123
TikTok be like, “did you know if you like a tidy home that’s a trauma response? Sometimes you feel irritable? That’s a trauma response! Blink and breathe? TRAUMA RESPONSE!”
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NISAR is a big step closer to its 2024 launch. 🚀 After years of construction, integration, and testing at JPL, the mission's science payload was recently packed up and shipped to @ISRO in India. Go inside the packing process with Scott Nowak, NISAR mechanical integration lead.

How to Pack a Spacecraft

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What my husband says: “I’m going to finish my report.” What I’m assuming he actually means: “Please sit across from me and tell me your theories on famous cold cases.”
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Friendly reminder that “Emotional Support Animals” are not ADA Service Animals, they’re pets with a vest and an entitled owner.
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I’m in my “order so much sushi the restaurant gives me two sets of chopsticks” era
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I wonder how many couples I helped get engaged at Disneyland are divorced now.
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🎶Brandy, you’re a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my love and my lady, is a crab. 🦀🎶
Anyone who menstruates: “I’ve got a weird symptom. What does it mean?” Medical community: “Eh, it do be like that sometimes.” Menstruating person: “can I get more information or a treatment plan or something?” Medical community: “IT. 👏🏻 DO. 👏🏻 BE. 👏🏻 LIKE. 👏🏻THAT. 👏🏻 SOMETIMES.”
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Me: “Live your life how you want, man! As long as you’re not hurting anybody I don’t judge. You do you!” Also me: “These made-up nonsense names for grandparents have to STOP!”
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No offense to NeeNaw and PoopPoop
Since the TikTok algorithm seems to think I’m a mom, I’ve discovered a slew of videos whose genre is basically “moms upset that other people also love their baby.”
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“My MIL asked if she could hold HER GRANDDAUGHTER. 😡 Like no bitch, that’s not YOUR granddaughter, it’s 👶🏻MY👶🏻 BABY! 😤 She will not leave my grasp for ⏱ONE ⏱ SECOND. The AUDACITY to want to hold MY BABY! I shut that SHIT DOWN. We momma bears have to 👏🏻SET 👏🏻BOUNDARIES👏🏻”
“This is RIDICULOUS!” - ancient Karen proverb
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Replying to @dlippman
Sorry, freedom to eat dinner at Mortons isn't actually mentioned in the Constitution therefore not an actual right. Did I do that correctly?
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Hulu: “Listen, we’ve got plenty of other stuff we’re recommending to you. We’ve got documentaries, true crime, and plenty of other procedurals. I’m begging you, try something new.” Me: “…start CSI season 11.”
If a pro-life politician crowing about today’s decision ever paid for your abortion and it feels like the right time to talk about it, my email is Anna.merlan@vice.com
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I usually like to walk on my lunch break, but it’s 97° out. So today we’re doing it Jane Austen character-style. (I take a refreshing turn about the room and unsuccessfully flirt with a disinterested brooding man.)
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(Baby One More Time comes on the radio) “YEEEESSS!” (Realizes I’m listening to KEARTH) “NOOOOOOO!”
Has anyone ever bought Kahlúa or does it just materialize once you have a bar? I swear I’ve never purchased Kahlúa but somehow I have 2 bottles.
In 8th grade drama class our teacher told us we’d be meeting with local seniors to write and perform our own short plays. Everyone was stoked until one kid asked which high school the seniors were from.
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The teacher replied, “Oh! No, I mean we’re going to the local senior CENTER to visit the elderly people.” Everyone was just like 😐😐😐😐😐😐
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