comedian. just a lizard girl in a horse girl world.
Joined March 2012
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Pinned Tweet
No we weren't talking shit about you! We were just having a collaborative working session to brainstorm ways you could be a better person.
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
Friend: Hey man you feeling ok?
Me who’s secretly taking poison damage but trying to play it off: Yeah I’m good
-1 Ough
-1 Ow
-1 Oof
Just a little tired
-1 Nrgh
-1 Hah
-1 Oof
-1 Ghaah
-1 Kheh
-1 Augh
-1 Ough
Could I get some water?
-1 Augh
-1 Nrgh
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
What shoes do corpses wear at open casket funerals you can never see the feet
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
Acting is wild like every shy movie character who says "I can't stand being the center of attention" was played by a human who fully cannot relate.
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
@TimGettys @BlessingJr She also wanted pictures of Spider-Man
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
Rihanna singing the peter pan
Whats My kids
Name calling their dog
🤝
Oh Na Na
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
I was at a Starbucks and 'Mr. Brightside' came on and the barista leaned in and whispered "I hate this song" and the manager walked over and put his hand on the dudes shoulder, then took him out back and shot him..he fucking shot him and everyone in the store cheered.
Alexa: Stallion of the Cimarron 🍚 retweeted
can't believe I have to say this but please do not hunt me for sport
Sometimes I think I'm ok and then my spotify "on repeat" playlist is like no no you absolutely are not.
I cannot describe the terror of going to a chiropractor appointment knowing you had diarrhea just an hour earlier.
Bruh you can't ignore my messages and then thirst comment on my posts. If you're gonna ghost me, take an omnichannel approach.
Rolling up to the party saying wild shit like "this music is kinda loud isn't it?" and "does anyone have tums?"
