The United States keeps sending this 80-year-old man to all these important meetings, at important places like the UN. This man they keep sending has a limited vocabulary, his face is garishly painted in orange pigment, his hands are bruised and covered in caked makeup, he has girdled pants, and I don't even know how to describe his hair. Their stated purpose for sending this man to these high-level meetings at places like the UN, is allegedly so that he can speak to timely issues of the day impacting the globe, focusing mostly on America's interests. But all he does - and all he EVER does - is talk about himself, how he is strong and others are weak, how he is smart and others are stupid, how he knows this and that better than anyone, how the many bad things said about him are false, and then he insists that what is actually true, is that up is down, black is white, and bad is good. He will make grandiose threats to annihilate others without referencing their populations, and economically taxing others without referencing the collateral impact, including the impact on America. He will recite claims about wars he thinks he has ended, cite numbers he pulls right out of his butt, insult rivals and predecessors, as well as allies and adversaries alike. Some of them might walk out while he speaks. And then - in increasingly incomplete and broken sentences - he will begin to rant, ramble, and riff, and while the subject might dwindle to the less consequential, the tone will remain the same - he is great, he is unpredictable, he will make decisions that impact all of them soon. The audience of dignitaries will collectively roll their eyes. Before he finishes, he will repeat a few threats, put forth hyperbole, say a few things that nobody quite understands, and the audience's eyes will practically roll out of their sockets. World leaders have made fun of this man privately at every turn, for years. They all know they cannot trust him; they all know the 80-year-old man is disordered and in decline. They know he is heavily medicated, and suspect - as rumored - he periodically craps his pants. They hope and pray that if they wait it out a little longer, the 80-year-old man will be gone, and they'll have a more comfortable and less risky existence and a greater and more sensible discourse with someone else soon, and maybe - they can then get back to being friends with America. They all look forward to the day when America will be worth being friends with again.