Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
Maaaaaaaaaaan this is all time funny! My boy sent me this and I can’t stop laughing!
WHO is responsible for this brilliance?
The college football week 9 All-Loss Tiny Desk🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#blowthewhistle
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
Bill Clinton started jogging near his home. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow."Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.
"No, five dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "fifty dollars!"
And he'd yell back, "five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he's really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker!
Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled. There now, see what you get for five bucks!"
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
A man walks into Walgreens with his 8-year-old son.
As they pass the condom display, the boy asks, “What are those, Dad?”
The father replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to practice safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” the boy says thoughtfully. “Yeah, I’ve heard about that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display, picks up a package of three, and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy.
Then he notices a six-pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“Wow!” the boy exclaims.
Then he spots a 12-pack and asks, “Then who uses these?”
With a sigh, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
A man goes into church, and sits in the confessional. He says to the priest, Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
While I was on vacation, I cheated on my wife with two 21 year old Russian girls.
The priest replies "Take a whole lemon, cut it in half, and squeeze the juice in a glass. Then drink it from the glass.
"Will that purge me of my sins?" says the man.
"No" said the priest "But it will wipe the fucking smile off your face"
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman.
She screamed:
“You filthy pig! How can you do this to me, to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!”
I said, “Honey, please… just let me explain!”
She crossed her arms.
“Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.”
So I told her:
“Look, sweetheart, when I got off the bus, I saw this poor woman. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her?
“I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it.
“She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower.
“While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary, the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her the jeans you never wear because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you never even unpacked because it was from a cheap store.
“Honey, you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.”
I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and asked:
“Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
On October 7, 2001, Madison Square Garden witnessed one of the most powerful moments in sports history.
During the New York Rangers' home opener—their first home game following the tragedy of 9/11—captain Mark Messier was presented with the FDNY fire helmet of fallen Chief Ray Downey.
Chief Downey, head of the FDNY Special Operations Command and one of the most decorated firefighters in department history, tragically lost his life while saving others at the World Trade Center.
When firefighter Larry McGee skated out and handed him the helmet, Messier put it on without hesitation and saluted a grieving, resilient crowd. It wasn’t just about hockey; it became an enduring symbol of unity, healing, and honoring New York City's truest heroes. 🏒🗽🚒
#NeverForget #NYRangers #FDNY #MarkMessier #ChiefRayDowney #HockeyHistory #NewYorkStrong
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot. “No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed. She started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and he said, “I can’t do the gas. Just the thought of a mask on my face suffocates me!”
The dentist asked if he had any objections to taking a pill. “No,” he said. “I’m fine with pills.”
She gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.
“What are those?” he asked.
“Viagra,” she replied.
“I’ll be d@mned,” said the patient. “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a painkiller.”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist. “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
SO WRONG ☺️ …
but then,
Awfully funny, and meant to be shared 😅🤣😂
👏🏻👏🏻 @bigcaddygolfco
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
The Dallas Cowboys recently visited a local orphanage.
“It’s just so heartbreaking to see all those faces with absolutely no hope,” said one of the orphans.
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
A guy had been having an affair with an Italian woman for two years.
One night she says, "Honey, I'm pregnant."
The guy almost faints. He's thinking, "My marriage is over.
So he says, "Listen, I'll give you a lot of money if you go back to Italy, have the baby there, and keep everything a secret. I'll even send child support until the kid turns 18."
She says, "Okay, but how will you know when the baby's born?"
He says, "Easy. Just mail me a postcard and write one word on the back. Spaghetti. I'll know exactly what it means."
Seven months later, he comes home, and his wife says, "Honey, you got the weirdest postcard today.
He says, "Just give it to me." He reads it. His face turns ghost white. He grabs his chest and drops like he just saw his credit card bill.
His wife picks up the postcard and reads it. It says, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while”
Billy says, “I'm fine, mommy…I just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
Mother says, “Ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says, “works for ketchup."
Steve Mannich 🐘 retweeted
Maria just got married, and being traditional, she was still a virgin.
So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous.
But her mother reassured her.
“Don’t worry Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs, and he’ll take care of you.”
So,...
