Stand Up Comedian. Recovering Alcoholic. Relapsed Catholic. Aspiring Narcissist. Booking/Inquiries: reallyzerilli@gmail.com
Traverse City, MI
Joined April 2016
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- Following714
- Followers207
- Likes2.1K
I, for one, support the sense of adventure shown by those Titanic explorers. And in that spirit, I think we should start sending cycle pubs down there
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Ever since we went off the Gold Standard I have been really worried that all this Kohls Cash is worthless
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Summer traffic season is here again, so let’s review the right of way hierarchy:
- Pedestrians > bikes
- Bikes > cars
- Everyone > 4-Door Jeeps with truck beds*
*Also, no eye contact. Just sit there and think about what you’ve done until we decide what to do with you
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In Related News: Italy prepares for the largest eruption since Pompeii
🔴Priests could be allowed to have sex in future, Pope Francis has suggested as he said he was open to reviewing the practice of celibacy telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/03…
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On This Season on Yellowstone: A 1923 crossover episode where Spencer and Alex finally make it to Montana in their 120s and die on the porch.
[We geeeet it, travel was hard in the 1920s 🙄]
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Matthew Zerilli retweeted
I love this fucking weirdo. Go check out his new special!
My new special / album is out today. Hope you like it. Tell a friend.
album.link/jokejokejoke
Me [playing Assassins Creed Valhalla]: “Look, I have horse Uber”
Wife: “What would you call a horse Uber”
Me: “Glue-ber”
*Boom, still got it*
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This country is divided worse than I have ever seen. Today, someone tried to tell me that it is, in fact, possible to out pizza the hut…I don’t know what to believe anymore
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We never talk about the fact that there was a first guy that said “Now you bend over, I’ll walk up behind you and put my hands between your legs, then you hand it to me when I yell the magic word…” #SuperBowlLVII
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