Starving grad students can be a real downer, but it's also an opportunity! If you take millions from #bigtech and #bigcoal you don't have to pay students a living wage. That's someone else's problem! Just tweet and you can pay them a pittance in the mean time. #ComPropTopTip

Step 1: take millions from #BigTech Step 2: take millions from #BigCoal Step 3: befriend two people who do neither Step 4: present on #FakeNews at #SXSW2022

Taking millions earned #StripMining is a real downer. Lighten the mood by cracking jokes about a donor who didn't build wealth suffocating the planet! #ComPropTopTip

#BigCoal has devastating environmental effects, so if a mining conglomerate funds you, talk about the environmental impact of data instead #ComPropTopTip

#Disinformation research is expensive! Consider funding your #electoral integrity commision with support from a suspected Russian money launderer. #ComPropTopTip

if dirty money from #BigTech dries up, switch to dirty money from #BigCoal to keep your career going #ComPropTopTip

don't get greedy, commit just enough #academicmisconduct to attract attention and funding but not so much that you get caught! #ComPropTopTip jacobbuckman.com/2021-05-29-…

if good #researchers know to steer clear of you, have #students write your reports instead! #ComPropTopTip

if academic #peerreview questions your methods or conclusions just publish #datamemos instead! #ComPropTopTip

if people in #globalsouth complain your government funded reports endanger their lives rebrand as #demtech and take private money #ComPropTopTip

if #wikipedia contributors document serious criticisms of the objectivity and validity of your research have a former co-worker revise them away 'for quality' #ComPropTopTip