I wanted to have the scariest Halloween decorations in my neighborhood so I filled my front yard with certified letters from the IRS.
Pete C retweeted
22 yrs ago today, after a long zoning dispute with local officials that ruined his business, welder Marvin Heemeyer had enough & created the Killdozer.
He destroyed the mayor’s house, the judge’s house, town hall, the police station, & the bank - while avoiding hurting civilians or their property.
Happy Killdozer Day to those who celebrate 🎊
The first person to make biscuits and gravy must’ve been like “Hey what if we put some wet flour on some dry flour?”
My dad used to say “I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it!” I wasn’t really familiar with laws and stuff at that age but just realized, that’s illegal! He was saying he would murder me!
I hear about people buying stuff on the dark web but how do you even get on the dark web? Is it just dww. whatever dot com? dwww. ? Lemme know, I’m looking for drugs and whatnot.
Last week I told my son that he couldn’t drink out of my cup because I was drinkin poison. Now every time he sees me drinking out of that cup he’s like “Daddy are you drinkin your poison?!” What a f-in buzzkill
The Pima County Sheriff's Department is now reporting that 95 year old Charles Augustus Lindbergh Jr is the main suspect in the Nancy Guthrie disappearance.
Pete C retweeted
Trump bombing Iran during the Super Bowl halftime show so NBC is forced to cut away from Bad Bunny might be the funniest thing he could possibly do.
If that the lady who got shot today turns out to be the CEO of a major health insurance company some of you are going to be left in quite a quandary.
Pete C retweeted
Calling the number on the for rent sign and making dolphin noises
🚨#BREAKING: Yet ANOTHER home has fallen into the ocean in the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
This brings the total now to 9 homes that have collapsed in the past 96 hours.
Pete C retweeted
IF YOU PROMOTE THE VIOLENCE ON THE TWITTER I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU PUT YOU IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH AND BREAK YOUR FUCKING BACK AND MAKE YOU HUMBLE.
Pete C retweeted
It’s fitting that these two stories are going viral at the same time. They are very much related. The reason the guy on the right was out on the street is because our criminal justice system is run by, and tailored to the sensitivities of, women like the one on the left.
