@pennymacker

I know why the caged bird drinks. https://xitter.cf/t.co/sozrAgOyqo

Joined January 2017
  • Tweets19.6K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers1.6K
95Media
The cannibals feed me corn and call me “Wagyu,” a sign, I believe, of respect.
1
57
175
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
tater🍁@TrueTorontoGirlOct 19
Took such a hot bath I may have killed one of my personalities.
4
11
37
1,003
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Jane Altoids@staticbluebat9h
Ok cut the shit who the fuck was on first?
36
20
4
548
12,604
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
AGoodQuestion@Benjones2Jones11h
Bought two turntables and a microphone on eBay and the return address on the packages was in Werritzat, Indiana.
5
8
89
By replacing your morning coffee with green tea you can lose upto 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
127
2,105
232
7,711
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Natasha Something@IfIwassomethingOct 16
I bet a lot of ventriloquists get started by first absorbing their siblings in the womb.
1
36
63
1,135
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Lawrence C. Squirrel
@LawrenceCSquirrOct 2
We come prepacked with memories, loves, disasters and crimes. All the while believing we had a choice.
1
2
187
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
scudoodle@darcydeardarcyAug 3
Saw the back of my hair in a target dressing room and I must apologize to everyone who has been behind me. Im so sorry- I didnt know, and now I have that information too, sad day
4
11
152
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Paige Kellerman@PaigeKellermanSep 8
Southwest will be like, “Wanna get away?” and it’s a one way trip for fifty dollars to Transylvania.
4
12
378
I wonder: is there a hair stylist somewhere out there, whose name is Dan Druff?
1
1
36
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
🎃Case🎃@Cactuscali1991219h
Nietzsche is short for neat mustache.
5
31
107
1,684
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater19h
Dressing like an old timey newsboy and shouting "EXTRA, EXTRA!" before reciting my tweets in public
2
41
129
2,021
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater18h
[Pointing at roadkill] This guy gets it
3
856
9
4,216
35,302
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
RunwayDan
@RunwayDan18h
The almost unbearable weight of talking to an Irishman and not asking him where his Lucky Charms are.
1
13
20
400
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 14
At the orgy, making sure everyone feels heard and included.
1
25
1
43
1,050
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Damon Hunzeker
@DamonHunzeker14h
I did a bunch of breathing tests at the pulmonologist’s office today, each one sexier than the last.
15
30
559
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Wilde Thingy (new account)@Wilde_ThingyOct 18
Please know that if you have ever reposted me, I have imagined you naked, floating in space, a universe of stars glittering behind your frozen corpse. You are beautiful.
5
12
21
561
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Avogadro’s House of Moles@schumooOct 18
Just when I thought things couldn't go more wrong they handed me a whistle.
1
34
47
1,338
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Sean 😐@sergebombaOct 17
Brother-in-law died at the Soylent Green factory today. We’ve been told burial is being taken care of. That’s nice of them.
3
7
108
Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Sam Skoronski@SamSkoronskiOct 17
Ten minutes into Citizen Kane and I already figured out that Rosebud was the murder weapon.
12
1
23
915
Two hours later the Holy See Press Office posted this update: Where’s that goddamn discharge nurse??? She said she’d be back in 20 minutes!!
Vatican News
@VaticanNewsOct 17
Pope Leo XIV's doctors announced on Saturday morning that Pope Leo XIV is fit to be discharged from Gemelli Hospital. In a statement from the Holy See Press Office, Dr. Luigi Carbone and Professor Stefano Margaritora said the Pope underwent blood tests and a chest X-ray in the morning, which confirm that his clinical condition allows for him to leave hospital. The Holy See Press Office said he will return to the Vatican on Saturday afternoon and pray the Angelus on Sunday from the window of the papal apartment.
3
7
178
Load more