martsiddle retweeted
My pet-owning friends all think I'm some kind of Cat-Whisperer because seconds after meeting a cat I have it licking my fingers. The secret is a quick scratch of my sweaty arse crack when no-one is looking. Cats can't get enough of it.
martsiddle retweeted
I used to work in a family restaurant and often dressed up as the mascot, I found that if I slid down the plastic slide, it charged up the nylon suit and made me into a walking ball of static energy. So, when the kids used to hug me, I'd electrocute the little bastards
martsiddle retweeted
Why did the plane take off? What insanity is this? Planes don't take off if there's an extra suitcase on board. Men clung to its wings. Real people rained from the sky. How is this justifiable? Who will answer for this and in what court. How is everybody not screaming in anger
martsiddle retweeted
Tipping Point's Ben Shephard floored as 'invincible' student answers every question right #TippingPoint
dailystar.co.uk/tv/tipping-p…
martsiddle retweeted
The Children's Minister, voting against free school meals for the poorest children.
That is all.
martsiddle retweeted
How is finding 39 missing children in a double wide trailer here in Georgia NOT the biggest news story in America?
martsiddle retweeted
Glad they all arrived safely. After all, all lives matter, right?
BREAKING: A total of 151 migrants in 15 boats were brought to the UK yesterday, after 146 crossed the English Channel on Friday.
Get the latest on this story: trib.al/a0SzmAU
martsiddle retweeted
Good times never seemed so xitter.cf/NoContextScouse/status…






























