martsiddle retweeted
I used to work in a family restaurant and often dressed up as the mascot, I found that if I slid down the plastic slide, it charged up the nylon suit and made me into a walking ball of static energy. So, when the kids used to hug me, I'd electrocute the little bastards
just had to explain to george that ed sheeran will not be singing in finnish when my sister goes to finland to watch him perform. he genuinely thought singers who do world tours perform in the language of the country they are in😭
when i get to hell, i reckon i’ll be refilling a brita water filter for eternity and still not be able to fill my glass fully
yesterday at work was also a highlight for me. one of the kids i look after thought it’d be funny to boot a pile of dog shit all over the back of my legs🤢