Luisa (@LuisaTurtle) header
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Luisa

@LuisaTurtle

I would prefer it if a guy had a pizza delivered to me instead of a bouquet of flowers.

 Chicago
Joined May 2009
  • Tweets1.3K
  • Following248
  • Followers200
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Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)Photo by Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
I jokingly told my father that I was going to kill myself. Instead of asking why, he said “when?” – at Chicago, IL
How Bad Do U Want Me (Xingxing Version)
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I told my mother that she’s ancient but she thought I said she ain’t shit.
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🎶Rockin' around the #Christmastree🎶 Did you receive any GIANTmicrobes under the tree or stuffed in your #stockings this year? It's not too late to get yourself some #GIANTmicrobes #ornaments! Now on SALE, don't miss out... Shop now: giantmicrobes.com/us/product… 📸 : @luisaturtle
Image from GIANTmicrobes, Inc. (@GIANTmicrobes)
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Happy Birthday, @DaronMalakian! #DaronMalakian #ScarsOnBroadway #DMSOB #SystemOfADown #SOAD
Image from Scars On Broadway (@scarsonbroadway)
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Repost @luisaturtle (IG): Buns Are Loaded 🌭🍔 #Summer #DaronMalakian #ScarsOnBroadway #GunsAreLoaded
Image from Scars On Broadway (@scarsonbroadway)
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Moms on Instagram be like “Happy First Birthday to the most beautiful, most talented, giving, positive, intelligent, hard-working, loyal, most loved baby ever! Please stop growing!”
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Thinking about becoming a serial killer and targeting people who don’t wear costumes to Halloween costume parties.
Thinking about becoming a serial killer and targeting people who fart in crowds, especially at concerts.
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Cool people drink Dr Pepper
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
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Thinking about becoming a serial killer and targeting moms who refer to themselves as “Mama Bear”.
I heavily photoshop all of my photos online so people don’t recognize me in public.
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I'm in charge of making the macaroni and cheese this year.
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
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Luisa retweeted
TMZ (@TMZ) profile picture
TMZ
@TMZ19 Nov 2018
Arrested Man Who Threatened to 'Blow the Bathroom Up' Says He Meant Poop, Not Bomb dlvr.it/QrbyLk
Arrested Man Who Threatened to 'Blow the Bathroom Up' Says He Meant Poop, Not Bomb

Arrested Man Who Threatened to 'Blow the Bathroom Up' Says He Meant Poop, Not Bomb

The man admits he threatened to "blow the bathroom up" -- but says he didn't mean explosives.

tmz.com
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When you go shopping and make someone else carry your shit
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
When a fly flies into your house, it’s saying you live in a piece of shit.
Hey @MACcosmetics, you should release a Leatherface inspired collection for Halloween. #TheTexasChainsawMassacre
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Current mood – at Chicago, IL
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Who knew Vincent van Gogh was doing duck lips underneath his beard – at Chicago, IL
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
Image from Luisa (@LuisaTurtle)
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