HERMES 🪽✨️

" you know, darlings. being a god isn't as easy as it sounds. especially when certain domains under your protection are in constant danger of threats. that's why i hold domain over both tradesmen AND thieves. no matter who succeeds, i always win! hahaha!~ "

" Oh, hello my darlings. I hope you weren't missing me too much. Because here I am! Who am I kidding? Of /course/ you missed me! Ahahahaaa!~ "

I'm not a mailman. I am THE mailman.

you know, not many know this, but see these fun little patches on my delivery bag here? notice a theme? they're all pertaining to certain deities that i've curried favor with. little bolty for zeusy, storm cloud for poseidon, lovely little owl for athena, and so on.~

Poseidon is so very sensitive and grumpy. But by GOLLY does he know how to lay down a catchy beat. GET IN THE WATUH! Ah-ha! Marvelous darling, simply marvelous! ✨️

(Reader)! Did you know...? You look fabulous today, darling! Not quite as fabulous as me, but... You're doing just marvelously. ✨️

Look before you! These are the fields in which I grow my fucks. As you can see, it is barren. So unfortunately, I have no fucks to spare. ✨️

" I do wonder if dear Circe holds a grudge after I helped out poor old Ody... Oh, she's a peach, I'm sure it's a matter of bygones being bygones. " ✨️

" Yes we COULD let things go by as they are, or we could stir up a bit of mayhem and chaos! Wouldn't that be far more interesting? You know I'm right, darling. "

" YOOOOU MUST BOOOUNCE ON IIIT. CRRRRAZY STYLE! "