Comic. Drinker. Road Tripper | secondary : @funnydwayneduke • producer : @mqcfest and @bricc_cleveland
CLE / Where ever my car is
Joined March 2009
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- Following783
- Followers1.1K
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Dick-Fil-A retweeted
You ever think Cocaine Bear is just really resentful of his more successful older brother Smokey?
Dick-Fil-A retweeted
Guys will keep a pair of underwear in the rotation like they’re an old family heirloom like “that’s my daddies old huntin underwear”
Rap at karaoke is always a crap shoot. Like are they gonna … oh no yeah they’re gonna say it.
Full chest.
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I was attacked in a restaurant tonight by an insane women and screamed at by her adult son.
They had no respect for the restaurant or the staff or the other people dining or people like me who simply have different political views.
They are self righteous, insane, and completely out of control.
I was sitting at my table, working with my staff, and never even noticed these people until they turned into demons.
People used to respect others even if they had different views.
But not anymore.
Our country is gone.
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I got on twitter for two minutes and immediately learned about ‘landlord tiktok’ and ‘ministry molestation insurance’.
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Jesus fucking Christ, there’s people out there making money on the very real possibility of molesting children.
Churches: "Drag queens endanger children!"
Also churches: "Hey could you set up a fund to legally protect us when one of our members inevitably molests a child? We will pay you a monthly premium to protect us when we harm children. That is normal and should be legal."
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Things my older customers have raged about today:
- hiring social workers and mediators instead of cops (which my city isn’t doing)
- the bike lane the city is putting in front of the bar. “Where are we supposed to parkl?”
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Idk why but I looked for the wnba tv schedule for the upcoming season y’all BG *MIGHT* have one televised game this season.
Like shit who does the promotions for this league if you can’t get a political prisoner’s return season coverage on ESPN 2? Why even keep the league?
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Oh son of a bitch a drag race marketing gimmick has worked on me. The only queens I can name from recent seasons are the straight guy and the tiktok twins.
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Dick-Fil-A retweeted
When Jesus said “Peter you are the rock on which I build my church” he was making an erection joke
I just earned the 'Land of the Free (Level 17)' badge on @untappd! untp.beer/s/b1073954435
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I just earned the 'Cheers to Independent U.S. Craft Breweries (Level 15)' badge on @untappd! untp.beer/s/b1073954434
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Hey .@Pink it’s a goddamned Friday afternoon I didn’t ask for all this emotional trauma.
*buys concert tickets*
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What’s my goal with tattoos?
I wanna look somewhere between dangerous biker and chef owner of the hot new restaurant in town.
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In a move surprising no one. The TSA precheck and clear security lines have slowed down the speed of this airport.
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Dick-Fil-A retweeted
If she had only retired four years ago, though, moments like this could have been avoided 👀
xitter.cf/ThomasOnTheWeb/status/…