Both avoidant and anxious attachment behaviors can be highly destabilizing for the people on the receiving end of them. We just hear a lot more about what avoidants do wrong bc anxious attachers tend to externalize hurt, whereas avoidants tend to internalize it. So an anxious attacher, after an objectively bad relationship with an avoidant, is more likely to take to social media & bash avoidants, whereas an avoidant attacher, after an objectively bad relationship with an anxious attacher, is more likely to retreat & blame themselves for having poor discernment/not behaving self-protectively enough, etc. The externalizing is *in and of itself* an extension of the anxious strategy (keep others close by highlighting vulnerability). The self-berating is a natural extension of the avoidant strategy (avoid embarrassment by ruthlessly self-monitoring). The *way of coping* determines which type we end up hearing more about, not the volume of dysfunction.