@highprobably1

MEH

 🔪
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Joined August 2020
  • Tweets42.2K
  • Following2.2K
  • Followers44.3K
4.2KMedia
I’m roasting garlic in the oven. My 13 year old thinks it smells like weed. I can relax now, confident that my youngest child has never smoked weed.
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“Could you be any weirder?” Well, actually…
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricFeb 15
I will stop missing the 90s when something better happens.
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Twitter needs an eye wash station
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ppigg
@s4m31p4nFeb 1
Your honor the moon was full
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Manders 🌻@SunflowerGpsyFeb 1
Women belong in the kitchen cause that's where all the knives are
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Mom Jeans@momjeansplease9 May 2025
Sorry, I was disassociating what did you say?
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erica@ericanextdooor8 May 2025
sorry i can’t tonight i have pope tryouts
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DaddyJew@DaddyJew8 May 2025
pretty sure the root of all evil is just math in general
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New coworker Gosh pronounced Josh send help
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I logged onto facebook on my laptop, ya know like we did in ye olden days.
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DaddyJew@DaddyJew1 May 2025
met an Egyptian today. they don’t walk like that
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My heart to heart conversations with my 2 teenage daughters are vastly different: 17- You need to be more assertive 14- Did you assault any boys in PE today?
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Nayele18@nayele18maybe30 Apr 2025
I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere getting stuck in a revolving door
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DaddyJew@DaddyJew29 Apr 2025
Nice try heart, I'm not falling for that shit again
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Kristen@Kica33330 Apr 2025
Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.
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bone broth?? oh you mean skeleton soup
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I’m pretty laid back as long as plans don’t change and I don’t suffer any mild inconvenience.
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alli
@sonofalli29 Apr 2025
there should be a separate TSA line for people who are apparently experiencing their first day on earth
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I’m a single guy who lives in Florida so I’ve begun my natural transition into a DJ and I’m in line to date Casey Anthony
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Nayele18@nayele18maybe29 Apr 2025
“I wonder how I can make this worse” ~my brain
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