Twitter user #746, signing off. It was fun until it wasn’t. And now it’s absurd.

Recently, my toddler climbed up on top of her changing table while we were downstairs. Then she started screaming, because she realized she didn't really have a plan. Not sure why that little scene popped into my head as I watched footage of these proud patriots in the Capitol.

Several, actually: 1) Reuben @ Just For You, SF, CA (June 2012) 2) Pulled pork @ The Golden West, SF, CA (multiple times 2011) 3) Pastrami on rye @ Estudillo Produce, San Leandro, CA (many times 2010–present) 4) Peanut butter & jelly @ home, the other day when I was so hungry

Things my father-in-law will watch if they’re on TV: - Bulldozin’ Cousins - Alaska Gold Chewers - Is This Vintage Gas Station Sign Worth Anything? - Fish F#&%ers - Deadly Crocodile Death Killings - Racist Amazonian Bug Trappers - Anything with Zac Efron

I KNEW IT xitter.cf/ericelbogen/status/910…

Knock knock? Who's there? Mansplainer. Mansplainer who? Well, actually, it's "which mansplainer." Go away. I'm just trying to be helpful.

"Defending tolerance requires not to tolerate intolerance."

When you're expecting your first child, no one tells you that you're going to spend one day a year at the summer reading program carnival.