@dropchris1000

Contributing Writer @TheOnion | Comedy & Horror Screenwriter | Collider, Fightlete, CraveYouTV | Killer Shorts Recommended Screenplays

 Chicago, IL
Joined January 2011
  • Tweets24K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers3.9K
2KMedia
Steve Harvey: Name something that shoots out your penis Me: Hmm I’m gonna say cum, Steve Steve Harvey: What’s wrong with you?
191
4,382
85
147,578
4,636,592
Just rewatched The Incredibles and is that the only Pixar movie where people are implied to have fucked?
123
117
26
15,276
451,629
Loving all the discussion here. Anyway, I made a comedy sketch about a chef who wins a Michelin star and discovers he’s legally allowed to fuck the Michelin Man xitter.cf/dropchris1000/status/2…
dropchris1000@dropchris1000Oct 17
What if winning a Michelin Star meant you got to do whatever you wanted with the Michelin Man himself?
51
63,623
What if winning a Michelin Star meant you got to do whatever you wanted with the Michelin Man himself?
2
9
1
15
64,308
Featuring @Mkore Eric Pedersen Jordan Reichardt and a voice cameo by @mccraechum
1
2
488
Overheard a Gen Z guy coming out of The Devils last night going “I’ll be honest. That was straight up fire yo.”
1
11
549
The Devils at The Music Box tonight
1
10
410
Watching an old Dave Chappelle special and he mentions Monica Lewinsky and the crowd goes absolutely feral with rage. Glad we’re a lot more chill and understanding about women these days
1
1
9
507
My name is Carrie and this is Jackass and today I’m gonna have 500 gallons of pig blood spill on me
8
376
Extremely humiliating when the restaurant puts multiple sets of silverware in your delivery order
2
17
592
Dropped molly this morning. Molly is my brother's newborn baby
1
3
21
745
Think now is finally the time to let him host SNL
7
340
We’ve met before, haven’t we? At your house. Don't you remember? As a matter of fact, I'm there right now.
2
11
711
I would just blow Pinhead from Hellraiser away with a gun first time I see him
47
32
17
683
34,405
no one edit this to say i gave pinhead a blow job!
3
69
2,588
Went to the gym for the first time in a while and was shocked by what the women were wearing. Those creepy pig masks from the purge. one lady was even sharpening a machete on a weight bench
1
2
41
902
dropchris1000 retweeted
Lights Camera Gipson@mrgipsonOct 11
I own and operate Art of Play in Brooklyn New York and Kelly Clarkson just destroyed my business and my life.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
This user is not the owner of the shop. dananddave.com/pages/about-us
320
50
32
688
1,666,879
They should do another remake of Carrie but she looks like Sydney Sweeney with even bigger knockers but everyone still fucking hates her
2
13
976
RIP legendary Saints coach Mike Ditka
3
334
It’s a good thing Spider-Man wanted to be a superhero because all his powers would also be extremely dangerous in the hands of a devious New York City pervert
2
1
8
645
Primetime a little doughy at the end but visually looks like how movies should lookd. Fantastic. Me and my friends were the only ones in the theater who realized it was a dark comedy and were laughing hysterically.
3
348
Load more