@chrisk5000

Engineering at Google. Working on cutting edge topics in distributed databases such as writing error messages to describe how no matter what you do it's wrong

 NYC
Joined May 2009
  • Tweets968
  • Following322
  • Followers538
44Media
Merle Haggard
Jason Mojica
@elmodernisto6 Oct 2022
Onion headlines you still think of years later. I’ll start: “Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality”
Whoever named their sourdough starter William Butler Yeast should get a thousand dollars at all times
2
11
*wonders quietly for 6 years* so did they pronounce it yeest or yaste
3
WILL YOU KIDS SET YOUR DEVICE NAMES CORRECTLY SO I CAN SEE WHAT IS ON THIS DANG MESH NETWORK is the new shut the door I am not paying to heat the whole outdoors
1
12
“Dad, there’s a 9 percent… there’s a 35… there’s between a 16 and a 30 percent… there’s a fifffffty-five… there’s between a 20 and a 100 percent chance I pooped in my pants”
2
8
(False alarm. It turned out the pants were just full of snow.)
4
Kids (2017) [remake]: children growing up in Manhattan engage with adult habits at distressingly tender ages
1
2
1
17
Sequel
4
The guy who found 160 bowling balls buried in his yard really seems like the right guy to have found 160 bowling balls buried in his yard
71
1,682
174
14,307
Lines join in faint discord
You’re unable to view this Post because this account owner limits who can view their Posts. Learn more
1
He was like “pfft dad you know you have CPU scaling enabled, right?” And I was all like BOY WHO TAUGHT YOU ABOUT CPU SCALING but then it turned out there was a literal warning on the screen saying exactly that but I had not seen it because one does not read one’s logs
You’re unable to view this Post because this account owner limits who can view their Posts. Learn more
1
4
47
chrisk5000 retweeted
Dan Casey@DanCasey17 Mar 2021
3
27
148
Household hot take: not only is November NOT the worst month, it is in fact, just barely, by a nose, in the top 50%
You’re unable to view this Post because this account owner limits who can view their Posts. Learn more
3
5
JULY. The one it crowded out of the top half is July. As balls, is July, in terms of hot, and furthermore I hate it
1
Japanese game designers in the 1980s quietly penetrated the veil and have now taken control of the simulation
fank@dfank_BU12 Nov 2020
does texas tech recruit to this stereotype on purpose
3
2
34
Frankly I thought I showed great restraint by not going out to Best Buy and getting 5 more TVs so I could see more simultaneous talking heads waving at maps
You’re unable to view this Post because this account owner limits who can view their Posts. Learn more
12
Replying to @EricStangel
Hits from the bong
1
13
1
92
I hope one of the people you meet in hell is whoever writes the blue apron recipes so that as dread Baphomet who is cleft at the hoof and of lies enshrined makes his sport of our corpses I can tell them I never ONCE separated the white bottoms of the scallions from the green tops
2
2
23
*WAITS 2 YEARS* better garnish with the green tops of these nuts
1
5
Tag yourself I’m “Stop Screaming —— It’s Me”
Chris Power@chris_power23 Jul 2020
It’s Raymond Chandler’s birthday, which means it’s time to revisit the greatest ever list of unused titles.
5
1
4
Edinburgh's angry swan graffiti is perfection
166
6,253
492
28,031
chrisk5000 retweeted
PC Gamer
@pcgamer15 Jun 2020
Lake is a chill free-roaming driving sim about being a postal worker in 1980s Oregon buff.ly/2B9iavs
16
103
54
920
chrisk5000 retweeted
Thomas H. Ptacek@tqbf4 Jun 2020
This is some kind of inflection point I don’t know what.
8
52
Load more