Trump really just had to say his army was "cocked and loaded" to attack Iran, didn't he? It's beyond his control. He had to say it, he's been waiting his whole life to say shit like this. I'm only surprised he didn't call them "bad hombres."

This guy is waking up famous tomorrow, and might not even know why.

Howdy @TexDolly, if you think you're all out of great Westerns to watch, you should definitely check out the Cohen Brothers' new movie "The Ballad of Buster Scruggs" on @Netflix. Even includes some poker playin'! @balladofbuster

Hey @JoyVBehar just FYI you really shouldn't just touch a man's beard without asking. What if @Nick_Offerman suddenly reached over and ran his hand through your hair or stroked your cheek? @TheView

Good for you @Jordanfabian for not letting the bully do her thing, and letting @HallieJackson finish her question. Baller move. Were you taking notes, @johnrobertsFox ?

Hey @AnwarKnight is *constant thunder* even a thing? It's sounded like there's an airplane hovering over my house for about the last half an hour. Never heard this before!

Yo @ThatKevinSmith if what u told @joerogan is true and u were downing 2 gallons of milk a day pre-heart attack, you'd have been FAR better off eating 16 Mars bars. That's a Mars bar measuring from the floor to your eyeballs, every day. Glad you're alive! imgur.com/a/EHzOnR3

This story from @tommurphycbc on a 'Fake News' beer thief should probably win, like, a Pulitzer or something, eh? Really though, this is excellent and I could happily watch video journalism like this all day. cbc.ca/beta/news/thenational…

I am officially starting the rumor that Canada's (and the world's) ice-skating darling @scottmoir is actually a time-traveling @RealHughJackman. @tessavirtue please confirm. Is there nothing he can't do?

"Darn near killed him." I know what you did, @alroker. Thanks for my best surprise laugh of the week. bit.ly/2AvGkdx

If I accomplish nothing else today, I became @markie_post 's 5000th follower, so there's that!

Hey @iamcolinquinn can I just ask you a few quick questions about your recent whereabouts? Let's keep lawyers out of it for now. Not judging

Hey @ConanObrien FYI the mascot you created for Toronto's CN Tower in 2004 is now its actual mascot bit.ly/2ug8yJC @TeamCoco

Hey @JGPageau if you eat *three* chicken parms before the game tomorrow, does that mean you'll score six goals?

You made an "accidental renaissance," @jaredkeeso so I put it across the goal line for you, suitable for framing! i.imgur.com/IPwbFg8.jpg

I find that... our PM... @JustinTrudeau ... speaks very much like... a certain! Starship! Captain! Am I onto something, @WilliamShatner ?

Hey @kylemooney does this interviewer remind you of anyone? bit.ly/2lyZRnd

Looking for some ridiculously expensive Romanian furniture, @RealKidPoker ? kijiji.ca/v-art-collectibles…

Haaaahaha Time Magazine ladies and gentlemen, with a late entry for "Subliminal Burn of the Year."

I know some people who own smartwatches, but I don't know anyone who *wears* a smartwatch. xitter.cf/Gizmodo/status/8065200…