Andy Kuiper

Donald Trump, you bloated, bloviating buffoon, wheezing out nonsense like a deflating whoopee cushion at a MAGA rally! “There could be a little disruption”—no shit, Sherlock, you’re the walking, talking human wrecking ball of chaos! “What I have to do is build a strong country”—oh, please, the only thing you’ve ever built is a tacky empire of gaudy casinos and failed steaks, all while bankrupting anyone dumb enough to trust your grimy little paws. “You can’t really watch the stock market”—this from the orange clown who crowed like a rooster every time the Dow ticked up, claiming it was his divine gift to America, only to slink away when it tanked! And then, the cherry on this word-salad sundae: “If you look at China, they have a 100 year perspective. We go by quarters. And you can’t go by that.” What the hell are you even babbling about, you incoherent, spray-tanned disaster? Did you pluck this “100 year” drivel from a fortune cookie after a late-night McNugget binge? You wouldn’t know a long-term plan if it slapped you across your saggy jowls—your attention span’s shorter than your stubby fingers fumbling a golf club. You’re not a visionary; you’re a conman with a comb-over, stumbling through a presidency like a bull in a china shop—except the china’s already shattered, and the bull’s too stupid to notice!