😳😳😳

doing mardi gras sober taught me that you don’t need drugs when drums exist

i really like it when patrick calls spongebob “sponge” like a little nickname or something. really shows how close they are as friends.

it turns out there’s literally nothing better for your mental health than a fresh arm pump

14 years working in good ass restaurants my post gym meals are on a different level than y’all. you hoes can’t even SPELL polenta!

gimme 5-6 months i’m going to have the sluttiest waist known to man

“i guess it’s like a viral video where bozo dubs over”

God is a transgender orange cat

y’all not hearing me, this is exactly what he’d say.

if 2008 kanye was featured on brat “im a brat, she a brat. if my ex see my ex she gon’ be a brat.”

if you don’t have a bidet, kill yourself

90 fiancé, more like 90 day chimpanzé