Like most people my age, I am 45.
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Joined May 2009
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My doctor told me I had a bad case of onomatopoeia.
I was worried and asked what it was.
"It's exactly how it sounds"
Incredible scenes in the town centre this morning as I attempted to get money out of an ATM. First, the Virgin one was "out of service", then the RBS one withheld my card. As you can tell, I was delighted.
My penis was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Until the librarian told me to take it out.
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
This is fun to watch and never gets old for a few reasons, but mostly because, for men, getting a nice young woman to laugh uncontrollably ranks right up there with crushing your enemies and seeing them driven before you.
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
только представьте как после месяцев согласований пиар менеджеров две звёзды международного масштаба надевают эти костюмы делают 10 шагов под камерами чтобы создать инфоповод и после фразы "снято" с каменными лицами садятся каждый в свой лимузин и уезжают в разные стороны 🤌
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
Seriously…
UK PLC is going bust, debt is soaring
Real disposable income is falling
We face blackouts & ruinous electricity bills
Yet news dominated by absurd debate over slavery reparations & apologies
Idiotic
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
Former UFC fighter Makhmud Muradov just fought 6 family members back-to-back in MMA
Took him a total of 2 minutes 💀
I'm watching Alien Covenant. I've seen it before and yet can't remember any of it. I also don't know if I was as bored as I am now....
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
Elvis Presley died in 1977. John Lennon died in 1980. The former was 42. The latter was only 40. But as far as their experience with the Skywalker saga goes, Lennon wins because he lived long enough to find out Darth Vader is Luke’s dad. Elvis didn’t know shit about Cloud City.
My delivery driver wouldnt have the energy to walk that path, let alone be hilarous. I call bullshit.
But luckily for us, the government is making sure Ukraine is ready.
Britain 'not prepared for war', army chiefs warn - as they accuse Burnham's budget of 'kicking can down the road'
lbc.co.uk/article/britain-no…
ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ɪɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ retweeted
Reminder that when they offered the role of the poop emoji in the emoji movie to Jordan Peele, he took it as an insult and thought it was beneath him and it led to him quitting acting, so they were like "fine, we will offer it to Sir Patrick Stewart," and he gladly took the role and made jokes about how it was one of the most important roles of his career. RIP to a real one.
