Six Flags (fake)

Shit. Season is starting. Um: how about a warmed-over wild mouse from some abandoned park? Escape from Gotham or some crap!

Uh-huh. RT @thrillnetwork: Please come enjoy the newest feature...We have created our very own Soap Opera! http://fb.me/EA5OUSjF

We are not closing Coaster Cuts. Just changing to massages. Ask for the "launch coaster" - full release!

Free mustache rides at the Six Flags booth! #iaapa

Our only goal at #iaapa is to learn more about how to fit more ads into the park! Whoo, baby!

Excited to be at #IAAPA! To be clear, we sure as hell won't be looking to buy exciting new rides, cleaning products, or the like.

Crap. I think we bought another dozen Intamin coasters that'll work like ten minutes a year last night. Goddamn margaritas. #iaapa

Why does Wade Phillips keep calling us?

God, we hate patrons. All of you: bite us. Stay away from our parks.

Hey, we'd like some money from @savebigdipper. Or is it @savebigdiaper?

Who's excited for our Gigli-themed haunted house?! In every park this fall. Ben Affleck will be at the TGI Friday's outside one park!

No truth to the report that we have been laid off. But we are now tweeting with a dialup connection and no heat.

Shit. It's almost October. We probably should have done some planning for Halloween events, huh? Oh well. Same crap as last year, OK?

This new CEO we have is kind of a tool. He keeps asking for more wurst in the parks. What the hell is wurst?

Sunday morning brilliance! Teen Wolf 2: The Haunted House! Coming in 2011 to a @sixflags near you.

Hey, did you hear about what we're adding to @sixflags New England? Yeah, we're pretty excited...nah, can't pretend. It's shit.

.@robertdediu Every time the @coasterrumors guys come to our parks, they'll only ride kiddie coasters. Also, they ask for sushi.

We categorically reject any suggestion that we were founded by the Ukranian Mafia and call on @robertdediu to stop spreading such rumors.

We are launching, uh, a new coaster sharing social network called, uh, Fling. Yes! Nailed it!

Also, of course Euro Fighter at @SixFlags Over Georgia is the 1st beyond-vertical drop in America. Mall of America isn't in America, right?