Shock Cooper

There really is nothing like waking up naked in someone else's bed and having to go immediately meet up with your step mom while doing the walk of shame. My brothers really should be proud.

That made me want to sob.

My German Shepherd will not shut the fuck up. I'm about to turn her into a hat. Or half a coat. Or something.

I forgot to tell my dork of a middle brother happy birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY @DevilishLock!

Avi ADD.

Good morning Neverland.

Who? Us? [Does my best to look innocent.]

Who says I'll make a mess?

Oof. There is some delicious eye candy on my Timeline. Can we hang em on a hook and let me play with em?

I like this face.

I always judge you.

BUBBLE BUBBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE. THE WITCH IS BACK BITCH.

<at me.]

<of are... She said she didn't need anybody's help. [I fidget in my seat under @ReticentBarrel's scowl, even if the scowl isn't directed>

Look, she doesn't have any idea what she's doing. I get it. I think she thinks you're having us all keep an eye on her... which you kind>

<maybe if I act like it's no big deal, @ReticentBarrel won't lose his mind and explode.]

<or die basically. And since your wife is one scary bitch, I got the fuck out. [I try to sound vaguely nonchalant about the whole thing.>

[I hoist myself onto a counter by @ReticentBarrel, fluffing my black and purple hair as I sigh.] Well, I got fired. Oh... and told to leave>

<too weird. I killed the engine, climbed out and pushed open the shop door.]