Daniel (@SchemesHawk) profile picture

Daniel

@SchemesHawk

I used to be slightly funny in 2015-2016.

Joined April 2012
  • Tweets2.4K
  • Following218
  • Followers53
happy may the 4th
Image from cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola)
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30 years ago they made a movie with all Rizzlers
Image from Dalton Pruitt (@daltonleepruitt)
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Image from 川原瑞丸 (Mizmaru Kawahara) (@Mizmaru)
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#LambChop #HushPuppy
Image from Daniel (@SchemesHawk)
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I’ll be watching hours of this if u need to find me
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I tried speaking softly and carrying a big stick but a group of teenagers started laughing at me and said “Homie compensating for something ☠️” and they couldn’t even hear my come back
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Stop this nonsense and madness now.. #CeasefireNOW
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You think black cats understand English & are like “oh you named me Shadow, how original”?
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Ruffles are $6 now, so I got “Ripples” instead. Should have just spent the six bucks.
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Flintstones Vitamins are somehow the most delicious substance ever created & absolutely gross all at the same time.
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Bloody Mary is scarier than Candyman because Bloody Mary is real & Candyman is just a movie.
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Cops: “anything you say can and will be used against you…” …are cops my relatives?
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American politics may be a little outrageous these days, but at least we’ve never put a guy on the Jedi Council without granting him the title of Master.
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women will literally go on a farmer themed reality dating show and ask the farmer if he could ever leave the farm instead of going to therapy.
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Me: Thinks my comic book collection is pretty cool. Mexican Government: Brings out alien bodies in cool filing cabinets. 
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real estate an property management in america is wild because it’s like everyone you know has to be miserable so some guy named troy can have a bunch of money.
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I’m at the age where you don’t want to go to any event that involves porta-potties.
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Imagine thinking wrestling isn't the greatest art form in existence #EFFYBGB7
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In my life I have met three people who have been on the Jerry Springer show. Not sure if that’s a lot for a lifetime or a relatively small amount.
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