Comedian and Improvisor in NYC.
New York, NY
Joined January 2010
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Come see the incomparable @GriffLightning Tonight in Your Worst Idea! 9pm. Magnet Theater. Tickets: magnettheater.com/show/ticke…
Yesterday on Twitter I complained about my favorite popsicles being shrunk and today the company that makes them is sending me a coupon approving once and for all that both this app and this country are perfect and the world is just.
Finally! My 2016 Lloyd audition result was still “Pending” on their website as of the shutdown so I’m excited to get some closure on that.
EXCLUSIVE: The UCB Theatre is coming back as Mosaic founder Jimmy Miller and former CEO/Owner of 'The Onion' Mike McAvoy have acquired the legendary comedy brand with the financial support from Elysian Park Ventures deadline.com/2022/03/ucb-the…
(Me Looking at a vest online)
My Wife: You’re never going to wear that vest.
Me: I’ll wear it when I’m at the stock exchange.
Wife: Why?
Me: Because that’s where I in-vest.
The problem with telling ur therapist you do comedy is sometimes she’ll suggest you “take it to the stage “
“Do you think the state of the world has negatively impacted your mental health?”
“Sure. But I think I’m doing okay.”
“Why are you looking at baby carriages online?”
“I might get one for my dog.”
Thanks @NinjaKitchen! Because of your dual zone air fryer my wife and I can finally do something we’ve been trying to do for years!
Me: Hello 911? I’d like to report a murder
911: What happened?
Me: Someone just got absolutely OWNED on Twitter.
911: You’ve got to stop calling us for this. It’s illegal.
There is no way the makers of Home Alone 2 could have imagined how future audiences would feel when they cut from Kevin on top of the World Trade Center to him running into Tr*mp in the Plaza.
Maybe they should make a hundred more Matrix movies? Or a thousand? A million? Is a million too many? A million sounds reasonable right now.
