Many say this is cope and maybe they're right, maybe the crushed are just crushed and there is no honor in it and no design behind it, but then i don't know what to do with Job, or it with Jeremiah who cried so hard he asked God why he was ever born, or it with the man who hung bleeding between two thieves and cried out why have you forsaken me? and those wretched, shattered, dust covered weeping fools who kept crawling toward him on broken knees were the only ones he called by name. i don't know what that means, but i can't ignore it

A man who felt everything and didn't die from it is the most terrifying thing on this earth. Pharaoh didn't fear armies he feared Moses. a stuttering man with God in his spine. that's what a sensitive man becomes when the world fails to kill him. not soft, not healed, appointed.

Goliath trained his whole life for war and david trained his whole life for God and that's why goliath lost, you can't kill a man who isn't fighting you he's fighting for something behind you that you can't even see, goliath saw a boy david saw a mission goliath calculated odds david didn't do math, the sword is heavy because it carries the ego of the man holding it the stone is light because the boy already let go of himself before he threw it, every empire falls to something it didn't take seriously, every giant dies confused

Men do not talk about the weight because the weight is the covenant. God put it there and did not explain and we stopped asking. she knocks and she should knock and we love the knocking but the door stays shut because what is behind it is not ours to show it is ours to carry until we drop and then our sons will pick it up and they will not speak of it either and this is the inheritance no one writes down. the silence is not cold it is holy. it is the quiet of the priest inside the temple where no one else can go. some things are between you and the God who made you. she can have the blood and the bread and the waking hours but the night arithmetic is mine and his alone and when i am finally finished carrying he will tell me what it was for or he will not and either way i will put it down and that will be the first rest and the last