Regular Pete Lopez

This is horseshit, the USA has to beat two countries tonight in World Cup?

Fun USA soccer facts

I'm tired of losing lotto. Who runs this, FIFA?

I am so tired, just shut the tariff up

Love this couple, 5 drinks with no food waiting for subway. Clearly they must be hammered

Ever wanna post a photo of your whereabouts, not to showoff, just in case 5 years later you have an alibi for where you where? #incaseifofaMyCousinVinny

In the history of tv shows, there's never been an urn that hasn't eventually been accidentally spilled over

Saw this middle conatainer being tossed out near my building, anyone want? Looks like a great place to house snacks

Are we allowed to say, I wish someone died in their imaginary helicopter crash or is that promoting violence?

On my 8th listening of Party in the USA, top that America

Fighting sleep, I know my phone apps are waiting so they can jumble around to different screens

Hindsight idea, using a water pitcher to fill empty ice cube trays already in freezer. Probably less floor puddles and wet socks

Just came back from park after running a mile for every president.....if it was 1837, I got to Andrew Jackson

There's only so many good sandwiches in life, remember when you're one

Girlfriend did not change the calendars tonight, gonna be a mess tomorrow. Could be mid March when I wake up. Who knows

The hardest part of staying awake for a full calendar year is the first night

Washington Commanders should wear retro Redskins jerseys since playing on Thanksgiving

Hey religious people, what's the heaven entry ratio? Is it like a Hall of fame, 50%, the majority? This would help my old age decision making

Morning newscasters should just wear pajamas. Nobody wants to see people dressed up this early

Fire Boone!