Where are my sons?
Holy Terra
Joined September 2025
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- Following1.2K
- Followers1.4K
- Likes109K
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Imagine being 16 years old and your grandpa takes you on a months long adventure to secure military support for an insurrection and to fuck every woman encountered in the process.
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Conversation with my wife earlier today:
Wife: "So when is your woodworking project actually going to be done?"
Me: "Probably by next weekend."
Wife: "But you said you were going to finish it this weekend."
Me: "Yeah, I'll be finishing it tomorrow."
Wife: "So it'll be done tomorrow."
Me: "What? No, not for another week."
Wife: "But you said you'd be finished with it tomorrow."
Me: "No I didn't. When did I say that?"
Wife: "You said you'd finish it tomorrow."
Me: "Yeah, I'll finish it tomorrow. I just need to sand it down first and then I'll finish it. It won't take long."
Wife: "Ok, so it'll be done tomorrow?"
Me: "Tomorrow? No. How could it be done tomorrow? It'll take at least a few days"
Wife: "But you'll finish it tomorrow."
Me: "Yeah, exactly."
Wife: "That doesn't make any sense."
Me: "What doesn't make sense?"
Wife: "You're going to finish it next weekend?"
Me: "No, I'm going to finish it tomorrow."
Wife: "And then it'll be finished?"
Me: "Well, yeah."
Wife: "So it'll be finished tomorrow."
Me: "No, it will be finished next weekend."
Wife: "Ugh. I just want you to finish this project."
Me: "Yeah, I'm finishing it tomorrow!"
Wife: "Can you please just finish it soon?"
Me: "I AM FINISHING IT TOMORROW."
Wife: "WHEN WILL IT BE FINISHED?"
Me: "NEXT WEEKEND."
Wife: "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Them: Dawn of War Mephiston is not real. He cannot hurt you.
Me: …but he can hurt you.
Them: What?
Me: What?
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
messaging my wife a link containing proof of her husband cheating on her from an anonymous instagram account and then when she clicks on it texting her to let her know she failed the family phishing test and she has to retake my cybersecurity course
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Like Pokémon, I shall collect them all.
I think I only have 3 of the Primarchs right now tho, witch is…not alot.
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
It warms my heart that warhamer fandom came together just to hate on this guy
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Ethan Klein can save himself by saying "at the end of the day my wife was killing me by forcing me to defend genocde #FreePalestine"
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Eagerly awaiting Ethan Kleins’ chud turn. Come home brother, there is nowhere else to go
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
This 40K tourist is a self admitted pedophile btw, and he spent hours coping in my replies last time I called him out on it.
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Gamers celebrate the closures of these studios because we've already mourned them a decade ago when they really died.
You're crying over the zombie.
Emperor of Mankind retweeted
Crazy how they’ve been doing this for six years and nobody knew because it’s the wnba
It's been common practice for many WNBA teams over at least the past six seasons to leave the court right before "The Star-Spangled Banner" is played. trib.al/rNKEj1d
