@MLBactuary

Husband, father, actuary. I tweet about baseball, fishing, poker, and a lot of Norm Macdonald jokes. 5 star rated Uber passenger.

 Florida
Joined February 2012
  • Tweets20K
  • Following136
  • Followers345
1.1KMedia
This reminds me of the time OJ Simpson came out against Winona Ryder for shoplifting
Dick Fitzwell
@RichardfitzwelsOct 16
Casey Anthony Appears to Sound Off on Shane Gillis Following 'SNL' Monologue, Tells Men to 'Do Better'
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Matt retweeted
Magills
@magills_Oct 16
I love the new flying car but it’s a shame the only people who will be able to afford it are daycare owners in Minneapolis
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Kalshi
@KalshiOct 15
BREAKING: A hacker accessed Denmark's national ID database with the password "123456," exposing details of 8.8 million people
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Omg
Nancy Mace
@NancyMaceOct 14
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Hahahahaha, I’ve never done drugs before, but now I’m starting to think I’ve been missing out…..
Polymarket
@PolymarketOct 13
JUST IN: Beatles legend Paul McCartney, 84, reveals he can “remember being born.”
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We kid around a lot but he might be a legit psychopath.
TMZ
@TMZOct 11
Tobey Maguire Officiates Ex-Wife's Wedding to New Billionaire Heir Husband tmz.me/4B2U9jd

Tobey Maguire Officiates Ex-Wife's Wedding to New Billionaire Heir Husband

Talk about a friendly ex ... Tobey Maguire didn't just attend his ex-wife's wedding to a billionaire heir ... he actually officiated the whole thing!

tmz.com
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I really hope this is actually true.
R A W S A L E R T S
@rawsalertsOct 10
🚨 #BREAKING: Jack Doherty legally prohibited from posting to social media due to signing an influencer contract he didn’t read which “paid him to shut up”
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Imagine posing for some embarrassing stock photo work just to make a few bucks. “These photos go into enormous databases,” they tell you. “No one will ever see them.” Then you wake up one random October day to find yourself as Sexually Transmitted Diarrhea Guy
New York Post
@nypostOct 8
Sexually transmitted diarrhea is on the rise - and it's morphing into a drug-resistant superbug trib.al/J1D5jaQ
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How did people ever think this dude was anything other than a pathetic loser?
TMZ
@TMZOct 6
😳 Andrew Tate allegedly had Bestiality porn with horse and eel, videos of minors. Full details: tmz.com/2026/10/06/andrew-ta…
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Me too. Same. And I’m being humble when I say that.
Kalshi
@KalshiOct 5
JUST IN: Trump says he knows "more about everything" than anybody in the world
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Guys we’re gonna be so damn rich
unusual_whales
@unusual_whalesOct 3
JUST IN: US President Trump has just said he will do a $5000 “Trump Dividend” to every US citizen including children rather than just US adults if Republicans win the midterms
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🤷‍♂️
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They were surprised to learn that there was no life saving equipment in the… EXECUTION ROOM
NBC News
@NBCNewsOct 2
There was no medical oxygen or mask in the execution chamber where Tennessee tried and failed to kill convicted murderer Christa Pike, which meant staff had to go and get it when things went wrong, according to a source who witnessed what happened. nbcnews.com/news/us-news/-me…

‘Some of the medication has worn off’: Witness recalls failed Tennessee execution of Christa Pike

The failure of the injection that was intended to kill Pike, 50, led the governor to order an investigation and halt the one remaining execution scheduled for this year.

nbcnews.com
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Hahahaha
Jomboy Media
@JomboyMediaOct 2
Aaron Rodgers: "What the fuck?! Call it!" Mike McCarthy: "Fuckin asshole."
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I really hope this is real.
i like food
@messedupfoodsOct 1
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“Super Intelligence”
The White House
@WhiteHouseSep 30
White House Accord on Super Intelligence
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These Flock cameras are getting out of hand
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You’re not gonna believe this guys, but that thing that doesn’t happen happened again.
Polymarket
@PolymarketSep 27
JUST IN: Army veteran jailed for 30 days over a shooting he did not commit after investigators relied on Flock surveillance data to identify him as a suspect.
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That community note.
The Rebel Reaper
@RebelReaper1000Sep 26
Florida has no chance today. It's gonna be all Rebels, we're gonna win BIG. 52-14 #HottyToddy
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
The Gators won the game 52-28 espn.com/college-footba…
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🚨 #BREAKING: Internet users marked the Flock CEO’s lawn as a “public toilet” after it was revealed he redacted public streetview images of his house for privacy.
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