Aw shite, my alarm clock didn’t go off. What day is it? And has anyone seen my wife?

Wait, wha... How am I back in this stable AGAIN?! #GroundhogYear #MerryChristmas

She gets pregnant by another dude but yeah, the forgotten hotel booking is the problem 🙄

Okay so it turns out Herod’s a total dick.

Three random rich guys just showed up with presents. Wtf is myrrh?

It’s a boy! Are you surprised? #HappyBirthdayJesus

PUSH, woman!

There’s a weird elf thing sitting up on the shelf. It’s giving me the creeps. Oh and the baby’s almost here. #HappyBirthdayJesus

No hotels. Stuck in a barn. A BARN. It stinks. And that cow is looking at me funny. FML.

I hope they’re showing Elf on the hotel TVs. #ChristmasEve2017

Almost there. Not sure this donkey’s gonna make it. That is one BIG woman. #preggo Also - that star keeps moving. I swear it’s following us.

Hi @HolidayInn @Marriott @CrownePlaza @premierinn - any of you got a room in Bethlehem for tonight? Gonna need two separate beds (we don’t do that stuff - she’s a virgin) and maybe a crib (don’t ask).

Okay. Donkey ✅ Heavily pregnant wife ✅ iPad ✅ Hotel booking .... ?

Anyone else noticed that REALLY bright star? It keeps getting brighter. Bet it’s a UFO.

Hey @MaryHChrist, you booked the hotel in Bethlehem, right?

Pay attention, Roy Moore. This is what happens when you compare yourself to Jesus’ stepdad. #VirginBirth #NeverTouchedHer #YouTouchedTho #Loser #Alabama

Okay I know we're supposed to name him Jesus, but I have the strangest feeling that he should be a George. Or Michael. Or maybe both?

I didn't believe it tbh

Got offered a room at the Trump Bethlehem Hotel last night. Chose the barn instead.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animal. xitter.cf/maryhchrist/status/812…