@JohnLyonTweets

This mind intentionally left blank. https://xitter.cf/t.co/n3wD8D0ICA

Joined November 2011
  • Tweets129K
  • Following8.3K
  • Followers16.4K
580Media
No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.
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Cursed video: IF YOU WATCH THIS TO THE END YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN D— *ad starts* Me: *skips ad* Cursed video: —AYS! Me: Oh no.
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John Lyon retweeted
Darla
@ddsmidt19 Jan 2025
It’s not a real relationship if it only exists when it’s convenient for you. I deserve better. Cat: *knocks my drink off table*
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The Fire Aid benefit concert will feature Earth, Wind & Fire which are the exact reasons the concert is necessary in the first place.
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Darla
@ddsmidt19 Jan 2025
To be fair, everything probably was "fine." Then she heard him muttering under his breath while he was walking away.
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Lori@Cornjerker7811 Jan 2022
Party Me: Who the hell is 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 guy? Friend: I brought him for you. Me scoping out the room: I’m gonna regift him.
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*seductively blows off dried chocolate milk crumbs from the carton
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All I am saying is it is over for you bitches when I get this ankle monitor off, just putting that out there...
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І’m celebrating Elvis’ 90th birthday by eating all my meals on the toilet. Happy Birthday King!
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How do I turn this off? *gestures to entire world*
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I can’t mansplain, but I will Annesplain.
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Starting a DM room just for men where we help each other pick out our best pictures of our lawns.
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The end of this tweet is coming soon, just not yet, ok now.
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Darla
@ddsmidt18 Jan 2025
If you accidentally embarrass yourself just stand up tall as you can and confidently walk away. Works for my dog anyway.
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Ever just feel like doing a spontaneous fiery prison break out but then think oh yeah, I'm not in prison. Sad. I know.
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Behold the mighty Cheetos Moth.
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Meemaw after one Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler
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Dreamer@ElgatoEsmio18 Dec 2024
By the year 2030 it’ll be illegal for kids to pretend they’re smoking on cold days.
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Parenting means you will never say "What?!" again without sounding annoyed.
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(swooning) ai really gets me
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John Lyon retweeted
ScottW@jswtreeman16 Jan 2025
We Floridians don’t care what the other 56 states think about us.
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