Biscuits: The ‘big four’. Bourbon Custard Cream Rich Tea Digestive If you need anything more fancy than those - you might as well have cake. I feel very strongly about this.

Went for a coffee this morning. Was offered ‘medium, large or grande’. I asked what happened to small and she says ‘that’s now a medium’. Should have known better when I walked in - Radio 4 was playing. And as John will tell you, that’s the ‘snooty’ channel..

This may seem radical, but if you’re the sort of person that uses the green pepper, before the red and yellow in a pack of 3 - you need psychiatric help.

It doesn’t happen often - but when you tear off a length of tin foil in a straight line - what a feeling!

Just saw two magpies fighting over a strip of tin foil. Price of scrap must’ve gone up...

Welcome back, old friend... Just rediscovered the joys and practicality of ‘Smash’ instant mashed potato. For best results, add a little milk and a knob of butter. You won’t look back.

Blancmange is on the way out. It's all Vienetta and Coco Pops now. Kids don't know they're born these days...

Christmas comes but once a year - from September to December... 🎄🍾🎉 🥂

They say ‘it takes two to tango’, but is there an official minimum number for the Konga? Anything under 7 looks daft d’ya not think?

In 20 years time, Will people talk of the Aldi/Lidl war like they do with the VHS/Betamax saga? I suspect they will...

That Noel Fielding chap looks like he ran through a fancy dress shop covered in superglue.

Just found what John would probably describe as a 'petrified' dead slug under sink. What he thought he would find there I don't know...

Time to get the mower out for 1st time this year. Got 3 Eps of 'Doctors' to catch up with and some carrot cake first though.

Roll on springtime, this cold weather is freezing parts I didn't know I had...

30 mins in to 'Mad Max' and just realised I've never seen it. Ruddy awful so far. Eeh, but they young Mel Gibson... swoon...

People put salt on chips, in baths, in dishwashers & on frozen paths. Sugar isn't so good, just makes ya fat.

Niece got me an early Xmas prez, a Netflix subscription. Watching 'Master of None'. I'm a thoroughly modern Millie.

I've kept a Basil plant from Morrisons going since July. Is there an entry in the Guinness book of records for that?

I tell thee, all this rain is a sign. What for I've no idea, but it feels biblical. Is that too heavy for Twitter?