BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Shape of You and Galway Girl no longer the most abhorrent crimes against humanity associated with Ed Sheeran.

BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Columnists for The Telegraph and The Spectator meet to discuss the news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will return to live in the UK.

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BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Andy Burham hailed as a genius after installing big red button that doesn’t do anything in new Defence Secretary Wes Streeting’s office. “That should keep him occupied.”

BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Reform politicians planning charity single, “We are Ann Widdecombe.”

BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 World Cup good vibes continue as Tartan Army raise $10,000 for homeless children in Boston and England fans raise $15,000 for fellow fan’s medical bills after he got a firework lodged in his rectum.

BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Israeli delegation blame Hamas for Eurovision defeat.

ARTICLE 🚨 🚨 Why Labour should talk like the SNP. Will Keir Starmer survive the next few days as PM after the latest Mandelson revelation? Probably yes. It will likely be a trouncing in the May elections that will force him out of No. 10 But it’s more than just the scandals that have created a sense of inevitability about Starmer’s political demise. It’s his complete & utter failure to communicate with the public. The post we’ve quoted below is a good example of why the SNP on the other hand, have been such a consistent force in Scottish & British politics. Scotland’s governing party certainly have their shortfalls, but when they do have successes, they never shut the fuck up about them. That’s not a criticism by the way. That’s just smart politics. It’s all very well making positive changes in government, but if you don’t tell anyone, you won’t be there very long. This is a lesson Labour could learn. Admittedly, finding something Starmer’s government has done successfully is not an easy task. The PM’s approval rating being -43 is down to more than just bad communication. But take for example the Renters Rights Act. The bill, which will come into force from the 1st of May, protects tenants from no fault evictions & bans unfair rent rises. It’s a rare example of a genuinely positive piece of legislation that will make a real difference to the lives of British people. The only issue with the legislation is that nobody outside of the Westminster bubble knows about it. Despite it being a significant potential vote winning achievement, Labour have tweeted about it just 4 times this year. To put that into perspective, The SNP’s official account has posted about free prescriptions 5 times in the past month. A policy first introduced in 2011. The SNP’s socials are plastered with what they would describe as their achievements. Free prescriptions, the baby box, free tuition fees, the lowest rate of child poverty in the UK. Whatever the SNP’s shortfalls, these policies are overwhelmingly popular, & during every campaign, the party’s election machine goes into overdrive to remind the population what they’ve gained by voting SNP & what they could lose if they vote for someone else. Labour supporters might despise the SNP with a passion that burns in the very depths of their souls, but that shouldn’t blind them to an important lesson. In politics, if you talk about your successes often enough, people will forget about your failures. Of course, to achieve this, Labour will have to have some successes. Admittedly, Labour’s PR strategy seems to have improved slightly since the departure of the party’s head of communications Tim Allan & chief of staff Morgan McSweeney. The slight improvement being that they now have one. This improvement does leave you wondering whether Labour’s former head of comms spent the last 2 years leaving for work every morning, walking to the nearest park & feeding the pigeons for 8 hours before making his way home for 5 o’clock. Labour won a landslide election under Keir Starmer & they govern with a huge majority. Yet from day 1, they communicated like a government teetering on the verge of collapse. Starmer often delivers statements to the public where he displays all the confidence of a man being held at gunpoint. Labour’s best communicators, or at least the ones that sound the most human, are undoubtedly the likes of Angela Raynor, Emily Thornberry & Andy Burnham. So it makes sense that Starmer would want to keep them as far away from him as possible. Instead, many in the party remain convinced that Wes Streeting is the most gifted public speaker on earth, despite him sounding like a children’s TV presenter who’s just done a few lines of coke before going on air. The governments communications may have improved in recent weeks, but it’s almost certainly too little too late. Labour haven’t done enough to improve the lives of working people & they wouldn’t know how to tell us if they had.