@IamJackBoot

The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.

 Fly over country
xitter.cf/search?q=from:IamJackBoot
Joined July 2014
  • Tweets145K
  • Following979
  • Followers13K
2.9KMedia
The time my bongos caught fire. It was terrible. No one would help and the more frantically I tried to put them out the louder everyone cheered.
17
625
11
2,360
All standing pangolins look like Bob Cratchit asking for Christmas day off.
1
1
16
280
Jack Boot retweeted
Just Bill
@WilliamAderOct 17
In the future, everyone will be White House Press Secretary for 15 minutes.
1
32
119
1,911
False alarm everyone. It's not the Spawn of Satan. Turns out, it was just Rosemary's food baby.
1
5
257
Folks just don’t dial M for Murder anymore.
2
15
26
429
They keep trying to figure out where Amelia Earhart's plane went down but, honestly, she's probably dead by now.
2
7
409
My boyfriend has been on eBay all week. I think I’ll wait a day and then lower the price
1
8
65
1,374
Dunning-Kruger: Is there anything more smug and confident than a complete idiot?
4
239
Overheard phone conversation: "And you had sex how many times? Hmm. Yeah, that's not technically a bromance."
45
7,941
873
29,835
Trump. Ever the cheater. youtube.com/shorts/br0ze_Te5…

Oscar De La Hoya on Trump CHEATING at Golf #oscardelahoya #trump #golf #democrat

Oscar De La Hoya details how badly Donald Trump cheats at golf. "No...

youtube.com
1
1
9
566
Imagine the relief 95% of the world will feel when he's gone.
3
2
1
17
580
I'm sorry if my joke made you angry. To be fair I was trying to make everyone angry.
4
11
39
816
interviewer: I have another question. Me: (spinning in chair) Shoot. Interviewer: Under special skills you wrote “Keepen’ it real.” Me: (gives two thumbs up)
5
13
414
It must be real. They have a logo.
3
20
799
My uncle never knew he had a peanut allergy until that day on the peanut farm when a 500 lb crate of peanuts fell on his chest and completely blocked his airways.
13
42
923
I love having grok explain my jokes to me. It makes me seem smarter than I am.
2
5
15
410
If you took all the cereal and Happy Meals my family has wasted to get some cheap toy, you could’ve fed a lot of hungry people the least nutritious meals of their lives.
11
20
408
I have a PhD in psychology and student loans, which means I can accurately diagnose my own anxiety but can't afford the therapy to fix it.
3
16
86
2,090
Mother developed a formidable neck scruff in her dotage. On command, she’d assume the fetal position, allowing us to carry her like a suitcase. Quite the time-saver.
10
16
855
Much of the fun in alphabetizing comes from knowing which letters go in what order.
7
70
158
4,369
We had a toaster growing up that specified which slot to use if you only had "one slice." I complied but wondered how they would even find out if you used the wrong one.
2
4
1
21
662
Load more