I’d rather just never watch tv again if it means dealing with a remote with dead batteries

I honestly believe that my household appliances talk to each other when nobody is looking

If there was no such thing as meteorology, I’d be so tripped out about the weather

I just got a new mouse for my work laptop. My life just got 420% better

Ravishing Rick Rude, Don Frye, and Tom Selleck are literally the exact same dude

ngl I’d probably be remembered as one of the greatest baseball players to ever live if they’d just let me time travel and run some game on those foos from the early 1900’s

I just lived the last 30 minutes of my life believing with my whole heart that it was daytime right now, but irl it’s just past midnight…good times

Being an adult is badass. Just spent the last 45 minutes eating ice cream

guacamole

Fuuuuuuuu getting eaten by an alligator… hell nah

Damn it seems you really gotta do some heavy research just to find out how to deactivate your FB profile

On this day 21 years ago, my dad and I almost got into a bar fight against some dorks at a Buffalo Wild Wings… take me back

I’ve never been accused of being a “workaholic,” but my current job has somehow hijacked my dopamine system to where that’s all I wanna do

Simon Sez is cool because they have reading glasses on standby just in case a mthfkr needs to read some shit real quick. Huge props

I keep buying wallets on the internet and they all keep coming in all bulkier than the picture smh. I guess I’m opening up a wallet store soon idk

I think ima start using my health insurance and just do hella drugs but legally

I need some fkn chips

I noticed that I drive faster when I’m slurping on an e drink

stoney baloney and getting roasted by my inner voice

No matter how much I try to revert to who I used to be, I’m just not that person anymore, and I think that’s pretty badass