ICON/FREAK
Joined October 2025
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Sitting across from a woman at brunch trying to appear sexually dangerous while accidentally revealing, through dozens of microscopic behavioral tells, that I once owned a weighted blanket.
The Indian guy at my gym keeps “correcting” my form. Fourth time this week. I told him I don’t take fitness advice from guys who came here to steal jobs. He said “I’m your physical therapist, Kanye. You’re here because of your back.” Anyway I’m switching gyms.
HowlingKanye retweeted
First day volunteering at the women’s shelter and another dude leaned in and said, “if you want I can tell you which of them are easy”
HowlingKanye retweeted
It's 2009. I'm locked in on Batman: Arkham Asylum when my friend quietly says, "I think I was molested."
Without taking my eyes off the screen, I respond, "I'm never gonna beat this Shock & Awe Challenge."
Outside for a smoke break, I watch an Indian fella tailgating a fire truck with its sirens on and this image immediately materialized in my mind’s eye.
HowlingKanye retweeted
I’ve allowed myself to own one (1) military surplus garment. A pair of WWII British trousers. I don’t even incorporate it into outfits. Instead every Sunday I put them on for 30 minutes so I can squirm and coo in my bed like a 45 year old plumber with his first pair of pantyhose.
Oi mate, have you been touching your willy with a spot of the strangle-films?
Porn showing choking or incest to be banned from early November, government says bbc.in/3TF2Ijx
There is a version of me that knows how to talk to women. He only appears after six Jägerbombs, four pints of stout and a twelver of Smirnoff ices. Even then, the slovenly moron normally pukes up on himself before he can get us laid.
She asked if I was “always this quiet.” I said I was thinking. What I was thinking was that if I moved my arm, even slightly, the front of my shirt would ride up and show the stretch marks I got from the year I tried the creatine and beer diet.
HowlingKanye retweeted
Reciting Gatsby: “so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past” as my response to every question in my quarterly performance review
In the club lurking like a vampire. Bobbing my head - almost angrily - to the music. Wide-eyed like a strung-out eastern European. Snaking the drinks off of tables when they leave for the bathroom. "We save money," I grunt at my terrified Hinge date.
HowlingKanye retweeted
It’s going to be so funny the day boomers realize they’re in physical danger and Jimmy Buffett isn’t here to save them
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When I was born my mom had unilaterally decided to have me circumcised. When my father found out, he was apoplectic. He was cut, and he made a big song and dance about refusing to do the same to his son. He also said some stuff about Jews, but I think it was mostly out of love.
HR lady told me her ex had been controlling and possessive. I nodded sympathetically and asked how she'd managed to get away. She said she'd moved cities. I told her that was smart, keeping eye contact while I messaged the guy to let him know there had been a Jessica sighting.
HowlingKanye retweeted
My buddy asked me to trip sit him while he did shrooms the other day and I spent the entire time making AI pictures of him with a random mexican family and told him the cartel has them hostage in Guadalajara
The concept of "adulting" is very millennial, but I do feel there are definitely common experiences none of us were ever properly prepared for. Like how expensive cheese is, what it's like to file taxes, shitting yourself on a date and blaming the ethnic couple at the next table.